You know, I've stayed away for awhile because it is difficult to bounce back from a cheating spouse while reading the stories of others, that brings back all of the emotions and memories of my sitch.

I came back to this site because, well quite frankly it's freezing cold out, I'm a southern boy who's always lived in FL and being in the feels like 20° out is to freeking cold to do anything outside, so I'm hiding in my heated house..,

But even now, 10 months after bd, after selling our home, me moving to another state, and being really happy with my life and the adventure in it, I still find reading the stories of heartbreak incredibly difficult. I'm replaying the memories of my sitch, and although I've put walls up that protect me from the pain that I once felt, I find myself feeling more connected to my WW than I want to be, minus the complete emotional hurt I once felt...

It's very interesting to me how this plays out. Will continuously subjecting myself to this toughen me up, or is coming back here slowly breaking down my walls, allowing my walls to disappear and allowing the pain to come back? I would give anything, including reliving the pain myself, to help one person save their M, but I often wonder if that's possible. I've been there, I know that when your going through this, your actions are sometimes uncontrollable, that the advice of strangers seems far-fetched, it seems like until I lived it, none of the advice made sense..

For now I will keep trying, but it doesn't make sense to me how the "vets" do it, they've been through this, do they not relive the pain as I feel myself doing?

I guess this started as a thank you to the vets who frequently hand out words of wisdom, it is one of my goals to one day do so myself, as I know how important it is, even if we don't always seem as though we are listening..


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized