It's happening

[coffee_]

I had another dip in the roller coaster called living life as a survivor of infidelity.
I haven't seen my son in 6 days, last night I picked him up from one activity and took him to another, then we went to grab a burger after to catch up. He told me the OM left a motorcycle at my XW's for him to use. This is the first time he has brought up the OM, I couldn't help but ask if he was her BF. S14 said the his mother told him it was nothing official and that they are not dating or anything, but he also said in middle school he would consider it dating.
I went through a pretty big emotional low, I knew this day would come that I would confirm the person who my XW invited in to our lives to contribute to the destruction of my family, the loss of my house and everything that I once knew to be reality. She never once admitted to being involved with this guy.
I fell asleep and woke up at 1:30, with the flood of emotions that came ripping back just as if it was yesterday. My mind raced, I realize I still have a bit of healing to do.
My thoughts turned to things that make me happy:
Being with my son
My healthy relationship with my GF
Woodworking and other crafty projects
Being outside, hiking, biking, camping, hunting
Cooking good food
Being with my friends and family who love me.
Doing a good job at work and being proud of my accomplishments.

I also realized (hopefully) that this guy is still just showing his best side to my XW. And that someday she will realize him for who he really is. A guy who was willing to destroy a family in order to get into her pants. Normal life problems will come back into play, laundry, dishes, kids events, oh and all the drama that comes with being with her. Her addicted, drunk father, her delinquent thieving little brother, and her cheating self.

Also, to help my healing, I feel its important to get revenge. To do this in a healthy way I need to be happy. In order to be happy I need to do the things on my list above, they truly do put a smile on my face. There are two things blocking me from persevering the happiness I desire. One is that I smoke electronic cigarettes, (I have not disclosed this to anybody really),I need to quit. It will hinder my outdoor activities, and it also limits my time that I wish to spend with my GF and S14. I need to gain my self confidence back. This is a small town and I sometimes just lock the door and stay home, I don't want to go out for fear that I will see my xw and the om. I need to get past that. For now those two things are my biggest roadblocks, and they both seem insurmountable. The only thing I can do to control this is to keep talking positivly about myself, to myself. I need to pick a date to quit using the E-Cigs. Because nobody knows about it I find it hard to be accountable, I need to just be accountable to myself.
Thanks for listening to my rant...I know that life will get better, patience, perseverance and just plain ol hard work will get me through this.