was meant to be writing and giving her the apology letter
Why?
The objective is to take ownership of my behaviours and traits that were responsible for making her feel the way she felt. Showing empathy that I get how I made her feel, and I know that things have to change. That's it. Just I'm sorry for xxx which made you feel yyy, but using the words she has used to me rather than rewriting it in my words.
However, I was told to give this letter when things are on an upswing - I've blown that for a day or 2.
Plus, I know I shouldn't, but I still want to five the EAP a hard time...
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
I tried something very, very similar. Didn't work for me. Who knows - she may accept it or look at it as some sort of crazy pursuit.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Knowing mine, she'll see it as a way of validating that I'm the problem. But honesty is honesty.
So many people her had a M that was fine and then the spouse became an alien. We've always had the crazies. In fact I can pinpoint our first fight where I didn't put my foot down, basically apologised to her for her drunken, over the top ranting, and set the scene for the next 6 years.
I really do have some issues to resolve... personal boundaries 101.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
Oh, and due to my online nosing of Tacoma World (Jeep74 keeps mentioning it),
Join us, my friend. We have quite the collection of misfits.
I'll take a gander... although I have little enough time for one forum before I add another to the mix.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
I'll take a gander... although I have little enough time for one forum before I add another to the mix
Come over - I'll add you to the multi-chat going. I've never laughed so hard in my life...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'll take a gander... although I have little enough time for one forum before I add another to the mix
Come over - I'll add you to the multi-chat going. I've never laughed so hard in my life...
Oversteer70 is my username
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
was meant to be writing and giving her the apology letter
Why?
The objective is to take ownership of my behaviours and traits that were responsible for making her feel the way she felt. Showing empathy that I get how I made her feel, and I know that things have to change. That's it. Just I'm sorry for xxx which made you feel yyy, but using the words she has used to me rather than rewriting it in my words.
However, I was told to give this letter when things are on an upswing - I've blown that for a day or 2.
Plus, I know I shouldn't, but I still want to five the EAP a hard time...
I have a really big philosophical and practical problem with some of this thinking woke up.
Firstly, you and I don't have the power to make anyone else feel anything. Gracious I can scarcely manage my own state most of the time. It's control and magical thinking, others do and feel as they do.
So, you can let yourself off the hook for this. It's a big deal when you let go of the need to be right and have the power over others. Truly it's releasing.
Let W feel whatever she wants to. It's her right and her choice not yours.
Sit by V and know this frees you to concentrate on you. It's a big job all on its own.
Just saying
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I'll take a gander... although I have little enough time for one forum before I add another to the mix
Come over - I'll add you to the multi-chat going. I've never laughed so hard in my life...
Oversteer70 is my username
Added.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
You're in. Welcome to the ragtag band of misfits. No DB talk allowed. haha
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
