It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[roist]

Remind me again about what will happen financially once D takes affect? This is just so I remember the full picture.

Remember that in this you are considered as the source of all her woes. She was unhappy in the M because of YOU. She has not gotten her D because of YOU and now she is running out of money ebecause of YOU. There are two sides to every story. That is a fact, but one she is blinded to. The harder you fight your side, the blinder she will become and the more sure she is right.

Many say, to stall for time. Do this if you wish but by cooperating slowly ratherthan blocking it/her. However if she perceives you are not giving her what she wants she will go after it even harder. There are many cases here where the lbs has cooperated fully with D, but the WASn never followed through. Some do of course. Why not all? I believe that up until the moment the lbs goes along with the "plan"hhe/she is the reason they don't have what they want. Once this is not so, the WAS can focus on other things and their certainty wanes. I am not saying that all of a sudden they don't want to divorce. They were locked in a fight with the lbs, and their sole focus was to win that fight by any means possible.

Get out of her way and give her time and space to think about another focus.

Earlier I mentioned her using any means possible to get what she wants. That includes the "pity" card. Poor little me may run out of money. Don't fall for that. It is not your problem. In fact it could help her see reality in face. Don't go out of your way to create such consequences, but be aware of their importance in showing the WAS that the rosy life on the other side us tainted.

I understand your anger and frustration. However it just makes her focus more on you as the problem. Sometimes anger can help to show WAS that you are not at their whim, but where possible it should not be shown to WAS. There are many reasons but mainly because you come off negatively,hhence proving them right...... in their minds.

Now that it is done, don't dwell on it. Learn from it and from this whole incident. What can you do differently going forward d? Plan how you could react ideally if the same incident occurs next week.

Tell your W that you understand that she wants to D you and that she is eager to do so as quickly as possible. Say whereas it is not what you wantED, you accept and respect her choice and are not or will not stand in her way to getting it. If you want you could state you need a little time to organise X, to process Y or to do Z. State this is to prepare in the best way possible so that D goes as well as possible for everyone involved.

Best wishes.