WW with affair moved out 4+ weeks ago

[15Stang]

Thanks for the guidance everyone. I did not respond to the email. It has been deleted. I did let my attorney know I'll give her the things she has requested except the artwork. She has taken almost every gift my in-laws ever gave us. I like how the artwork fills the wall they hang on. Removing them, in my opinion, would make the house feel more empty.

As for the divorce I already feel like I'm getting screwed. We are a no fault state. My first settlement offer she gets $36,000 of 401K and I take on a $3000 debt to offset some assets. She is now wanting the house appraised to see if there is any money available. Hopefully the appraisal is low.....

This is so frustrating. I hate the feeling of wicked people prospering. At the end of the day it is just money and I will survive. I hate the idea of financing a wayward lifestyle. But I'm not surprised. Her AP is going to be filing bankruptcy so I'm sure he is leading her to get everything she can to offset his loss.

I am trying to focus on me and it is hard to accept the new normal. It is a complete reality shift. I've spent a good portion of my life with this woman and from my view we had a great marriage. There was joy, laughter, very good intimacy, and we enjoyed doing things together. A friend of mine told me early on that it is important to do things together. I felt like we had our own identity while still enjoying things together. I used to enjoy motorcycles and my W would ride with me. I could tell she wasn't as excited as I was. After talking with her we decided to get a sports car. My wife has always been a car fan. We've enjoyed this car for the past 7 years. It was a sacrifice on my end to give up the bike but truthfully I don't miss the bikes at all. I really enjoy the sport car and the time spent with her. We seemed to work so well together as a team. It's only been the last 4-5 years that have been difficult. As I mentioned in the OP this is when the affair started. We had a good 2015 as we worked on the marriage. Probably the best year of marriage we had. But I understand how all of this doesn't matter when you are a part of an affair. I (and our marriage) become enemy #1. I say this as I don't believe good marriages prevent affairs nor to bad marriages cause affairs. The issue to me is boundaries. Instead of talking with another man she should have brought the concerns to me. If I didn't listen she could have brought a friend or team of people to help me understand the seriousness of the issues. But all of this is in the past and I will never have a better past.

It's hard to let go of such an enjoyable history. I grieve for what I have lost, for what I thought I had. Accepting reality is understanding I would not choose the current person she has become. My hope is someday she will change and surrender and we can reconcile if that is what God wants. Although even thinking this keeps me attached so I redirect to the present which is taking care of myself.

I do want her to be happy. I cannot see any way her AP will make her happy. But she is no longer my responsibility. I have to keep telling myself this. As the provider and caretaker for the last 14 years this is tough to swallow.

Thanks all,
e