That's right, Si. I never did any of it intentionally. I was just ignorant and inexperienced.
Now that you've beaten yourself up over it again and again, what are you going to do to change yourself?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My neglectfulness didn't justify what she did, but put her in a position to be vulnerable to the temptation to do what she probably did. I do not take blame for her choosing to do it. I take blame for putting her in the position to be interested in doing it. It's something I have to accept to keep this from ever happening again with her or anyone else.
^ This. Print this out and post it where you can read it every day if needed. No failings in a marriage justify an affair. Don't take the blame for it.
Well, I've been saying that for months, brizz. Some people take it as though I'm taking full blame, but I'm not taking blame for her choice. I'm taking blame for not making her feel more desired and loved. People that don't want to take blame for the last part are doomed to having the same thing happen to them again, with whomever they are with. Even if your spouse doesn't cheat, when they are neglected, it's still a bad situation for them to be in, because a relationship requires love. They won't continue to love you, if you don't nourish the relationship.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
The grass isn't greener on the other side -- it's greener where you water it. That's a hard lesson for some of us to learn, both the faithful and the unfaithful spouses. Affairs are an eye opening experience and cause us to re-examine our whole relationship. We often get complacent in relationships and start taking things for granted. It takes a lot of humility to accept responsibility for a breakdown in a marriage while dealing with the emotions of the affair but it shows you're capable of growth and change.
I just wish she'd let me grow with her, instead of the way she did it. She woke me up when she was done, instead of when I still had a chance with her.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
I just wish she'd let me grow with her, instead of the way she did it. She woke me up when she was done, instead of when I still had a chance with her.
I know how you feel. I wish that mine had done the same thing with me. I wish that mine had told me about her abuse much earlier on...still would have married her anyway. I think.
I still can't get past why she never shared that with me. I guess that one will haunt me forever.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I don't think she would have just given up on our marriage so easily had that a**hole not moved in on her.
Quite possibly. Or quite possibly not. Either way, I've given up trying to figure things out in my case. I just chalk it up to lessons learned. Sigh.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I don't think she would have just given up on our marriage so easily had that a**hole not moved in on her.
Not necessarily true... He is fulfilling an emotional need of hers and most likely would have sought it out on her own. If not with him then possibly someone else. Sorry to say, but I think she was done with the M before the OM came into the picture.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
