So Confused and Conflicted (4)

[Matrix]

LITB, did she turn into a different person, that showed an anger and coldness that you had never seen before? When the book talks about the "alien", I know that all too well, but I prefer the term "demon" or "monster". I think what happened is that my wife probably cheated on me, and felt so bad and guilty about doing it, that to cope with what she had done, she had to make herself hate me and blame me for what she did, so that she wouldn't have to feel bad about it.

Yep. That is exactly what happened. I'm sorry to have to be that blunt, but you are most likely correct.

You know, had I been a better husband, she wouldn't have done it.

This part though, is total and complete BULLSH*T. We all want to blame ourselves. We say "if we had only done this or only done that". It's bullsh*t. There is no justification or rationalization good enough in the world that makes an affair okay. You need to really, really understand that and internalize that. Nothing you did in your marriage justifies her affair. It is fine to take responsibility for your failings in your marriage. Just don't ever try and pretend to understand why she openly chose to sleep with another man while she was still married.