Coly - I am sorry you are having a rough go of it. It's certainly understandable.

The feelings you describe when he leaves? I have felt those, too. I still have a lot of triggers. To this day, whenever I hear my h rattle his keys it brings me back to his heavy duty replay running days.

It has taken me a long time to realize that he himself is a trigger, too.

Just slow down and give yourself 24 hours to think about how to proceed. Do what is best for you. Just remember that if he visits your daughter at home make sure you clear your history on your devices, and all that. They do get crafty about making up an excuse to use the computer for a supposed alternative reason. And meanwhile they snoop at your history, books you've ordered, articles you've visited, etc. (Remember devices are synched.)

The feelings you have are real. Accept them, try to get in the moment and understand them better. Then, be true to you. We all support you.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced