Regarding the privacy, in H's defense I was extremely paranoid that he was cheating. Some interactions with women were genuinely innocent, others definitely crossed the line but he felt that it was okay because he didn't engage. We have a difference of opinion in engagement. It all became too blurry.
Today, pics of him with women flood my social media feed, I don't always know if it's completely innocent. When he has erased my presence physically and online, I don't feel like it's innocent. He insists that he has to control his brand--apparently pictures of me and the kids are not part of the brand, but partying is. During the first S, he professed how in love he was with the OW online, it hurt. Now, he claims he learned his lesson and nothing about his personal life should be shared. I still see him tagged in a number of pictures, and I honestly feel sorry for him. He left his family once, I took him back, and he's back at it again and ppl see. Old fans disapprove, new "younger" fans have no clue about his roots or his family.
"I want H, the man I married. H says that that man is long gone and he had to evolve for his career."
I'm curious why it is you don't want to take him at face value when he says these things? Why don't you believe him when he says this? In this case I think he's telling you the truth!
I've worked in the music industry since I've been 15 years old. My dad drove me to gigs befor I had a drivers license. I don't want to paint with a brod brush here but I've seen first hand how these singer front man types operate. That is not me, it really is not but even I had these opportunities thrown t me and I was only in the band backing up the local celeb. He's screwing these women - I will bet my life on it. Perhaps not all, maybe not even most but if they threw themselves at me and I refused most of the time what do you think is going on with him? The wives of the guys I know who dud this either had no clue, or like you did not want to believe it.
I don't want to make this worse for you but you can't change him. At this point you first need to accept that what you THINK may be going on really is. It's not an act for his career, it's who he is and what he wants. Don't let him play you like this. Do what is best for you - he certainly will not.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Is that what you really want,.......... or are you honestly wanting the guy he was when you M him?
I want H, the man I married. H says that that man is long gone and he had to evolve for his career.
I'm so sorry. But I think for now and the foreseeable future, this^^ is the truth.
You cannot fix or change, or further enable him.
I just cannot imagine him suddenly slapping his forehead and saying "Oh, now I get it! I want to be a great guy again. And a better dad than I was before..."
I ache for you.
Do you have a support system you can call in for help?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm okay and I know I'm going to be okay no matter what. I went through hell the last time, and came out better.
You're right. I can't fix or change anything, nor do I want to further enable him.
I feel satisfied knowing that I really did give it my all. I CAN change for the better, I CAN grow, and I WILL continue to grow for the better.
I feel like a survivor now, no longer a victim.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
They are separating and staying at different places while each getting time with their kids. He's having an affair and plans on leaving his wife for the other woman. My friend is trying to detach and isnt having any relationship talks, etc.
However, her husband keeps trying to have relationship talks, during which he just talks about how they arent meant to be, he's moved on, etc. Anything but trying to fix things. They arent productive.
Should she engage in these conversations or just ask him to stop talking? What approaches have worked for others with WAHs?
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
However, her husband keeps trying to have relationship talks, during which he just talks about how they arent meant to be, he's moved on, etc. Anything but trying to fix things. They arent productive.
That's more anti-relationship talks. No other way to say it but this - he's done. She needs to just cut those cords.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You are sounding much better. I hope you will continue to attend conferences/meetings that offer the spiritual uplift you recently experienced.
You are a strong woman. Do not second guess yourself.
Being that this is the second time around, I feel like I have a better grasp of my emotions and what I need to do for me--church, friends, new projects with work...I have little to complain about. I'm blessed in so many ways.
Thanks for the reminder that I'm strong. I hope to exhibit strength during this time instead of resentment or bitterness. It's a fine line for me.
