Hearing the Fat Lady Sing

[ForGump]

G-

Thanks for saying what you said. It feels good and gives me hope for getting into a physically (sexually) healthier relationship. It was really boom & bust for me in that department w/ my XW so ... I'm looking forward to being together with someone who is more stable in that department. But then at my age range ... I see a lot of people (men and women) who just don't appear physically healthy to me. So maybe I have to adjust my expectations? I don't have the sex drive I did as a 20 year old but I feel I am in pretty good physical health, not just sexually but in most other ways.

I can count the days I've been with a woman (my XW) ... but I'm not focusing on it. I have had, and can understand the allure of fairly casual sex but I don't know, I'm not itching for it. I guess if things just fell into place I'd be eager to follow through but I'm not going to go hang out at a bar or do Tinder or something like that to hook up. Just how DO 50 year olds hook up? I have no idea.

I have talked about this w/ my IC and she has encouraged me to date in general but hasn't identified some type of sexual dysfunction as something I should work on. She did say that when a co-dependent like myself fall in love with an intensely needy person like my XW, it is like being hooked on a drug. I experienced my own intense euphoria when I initially fell in love with my XW, and that's something I have to recover from. I think I recognize that dynamic, as that has happened to me one before with someone who was very intensely physical, and I had a hard time getting over her.

I'm not sure if I answered your question but ... maybe my answer is that it is something I'm cognizant of but nothing particular I am working on. I haven't met w/ my IC for a while now because I've been feeling fairly stable and content -- dare I say happy? But I will keep this in mind, both to mull over myself and to bring up w/ my IC.

But yeah, it would be a dream to be in a relationship w/ someone whose sexual drive was healthy, steady, giving and satisfying.