Dealing with Devastation

[giftd]

Thankfully we have animals which she cares very much about because there aren't kids to help her think it through.

Weekend was ok. Friend came over Friday night and is leaving today. Managed to go see a movie, get a haircut, played some games (first time in a month) and was able to disconnect without withdrawing. Went to the bar my wife and I used to go to, talked to the bartender who asked if my wife was coming too. I said she was working late and would probably be too tired. Made me feel better that she still isn't comfortable telling people, dunno why. Biggest problem was that a song we used to enjoy came on, cut pretty deep.

Also had a regression. Looked on netflix and saw that she watched a couple episodes of a show we used to watch. Saw it was at 6:45pm (she never goes to bed that early) and it was at her bosses house who she may be having an emotional or more affair with.

I know there are reasonable explanations for her being there from general couch surfing to the fact that one of them usually has to work in Mass instead of Maine and her boss has a cat so maybe she was watching the cat. But obviously my mind goes to the worst. Dunno how to detach from that.

Big storm coming this week, roommate is supposed to be home before but may get delayed until Wednesday night. Hoping the storm doesn't interrupt the ferret surgery and the interaction that would come from it. I really want a face to face and for it to go well enough to build on, leave her thinking. Friend is still supposed to talk to her this week after he gets back. He is going to tell her what his ex-fiance who left him for ILYB has said to him (regret, I was dealing with other things, I still love you).

Read sa"I love you but I'm not in love with you" - by Andrew G. Marshall. Book helped me see her side a bit better and also gave me hope that she'll figure it out and we can get her that feeling back. Actions > words. Wish I could get her to read this book but that's not the plan yet. Gotta keep on going.

Thanks for talking everyone, hope you are all doing ok.