What should I be doing now (Time to Move on?)

[Coconut]

Jeep, I agree that it is tougher when you have to be in daily contact, but even that is heads and shoulders above in-house separation.



I know the advice frequently given on this site is not to move out of the Master bedroom, and definitely don't move out of the house. But looking back on my sitch, I believe it would have been so much better if I moved out at the first sign that the ww wasn't committed to saving the Marriage or at least to not doing anything to make it worse after BD.

I guess if your great at DB'ing, and your able to disengage quickly, able to live your life and let them do their thing it would work great to stay and show that you are there if they want to come back (light house), but I wasn't able to do that. After starting to see signs that she wasn't doing what she could, I got angrier and angrier, couldn't disengage and started lashing out.

As soon as I got out of the house, those feelings started dissipating, I started focusing on me and slowly (very slowly) started losing the anger, now I have none.

We are still legally married, I wish that wasn't the case but I don't feel like doing the legwork, but if she came to me today and said she made a huge mistake and wanted to work on things I wouldn't do it. I believe that if I hadn't stuck it out, and allowed her to hurt me so much after bd, I would feel differently about that. The truth is I can now think about her without any anger, and I look at the possibility of trying to work things out without emotion, but I am much happier now than I was the last 3 years of marriage and I know the things she did that hurt me (after bd) would be a deal breaker on deciding to try.

I know that the hardest part of the process is the piecing, and I am not willing to put in that kind of work for someone that I allowed to hurt me so bad (not the A, but the lack of caring in the months afterward). So I feel that if I had just left sooner, I would still be open to trying to piece.

I want to make it clear that I'm NOT saying that moving out would have increased my chances of her wanting to put in the work to try and piece things back together, I'm only saying that moving out would have left me open to the idea.