2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[roist]

B Bttrfly is right and hugely so if talking about an eventual reconciliation. I could make arguments why it is a good thing and why it is not so good. Essentially I mentioned it in the first place to try focus on positives rather than negatives. I found it to be positive as it shows cracks in other R. Plus she is continuing to contact you despite knowing it could upset R. Yes these are not the qualities we look for to build a R. Do definite red flag for that, but still does show current R isn't perfect.

For simplicity you can replace it with another point. I think her sending an email to the girls is positive. Its adequacy and content are surely lacking. But remember your W is lost in her thinking. She does not know HOW to do it better yet. But she did reach out to them.

I suffered from depression before. It can cripple someone's ability to DO what needs to be done, even to do what you want to do. It probably took your W a lot of effort to send that E-mail. It is easy to think she thought that those few lines would fix things and that is dillusional of her. Maybe she didn't put in an effort, but I think it is also probable that she just did the best she could.

Before you are in contact with your W, I ask you to take a little time to consider your approach. Don't just acknowledge that the girls got her email and don't want to reply. Say something along the lines "that it wasn't enough for them to get passed their hurt" and/or "they don't understand the discrepancy between her words and what she did. " a simple statement that they choose not to reply will be a slap in the face for W. Maybe she deserves that, but being rejected may have the opposite effect on W. Instead of hitting her with that and sending her away to lick her wounds, a slightly more empathetic reply could help her continue to search for how to reconnect better.

Similarly with your D's, you could take a step too. This is obviously confusing for them, not forgetting their sense of lose and abandonment. Discuss their feelings with them. Don't explain her actions to them, but you could say she is trying to connect the best she is capable of right now. I am short on time but I wanted to just say, maybe you could take the sting out of their initial reaction so they can see passed the obvious.

I am not telling you to actively work towards their reconciliation but how you communicate to each party, can have an important affect.

I don't understand why you are going to contact W about her hiding her contact with you from OM. At this stage that has nothing to do with you. It is controlling. I do not see how it can help you or the girls. Why not wait and see later if there is merit to doing so.

Irish, these are just the views of an impartial outsider with the aim of looking at things differently. I know this cannot be easy and this may be adding to your confusion. But my advice and comments are said with the best of intentions and like all the posts here, you are free to take away from it what you feel will serve you.

Best wishes