WH came back. Piecing. Almost at 2 year mark.

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=JujuB]Hello Blu wave

I have always read about how difficult piecing is.


Most LBSers dream of being there. Sadly, many assume they are in "piecing" before they should, and are so terrified of losing the m that they have DB'd their way to save, that they don't set realistic boundaries.

And or they don't make the changes in themselves and as a couple, that they need. They think sorrow and remorse on the WAS's part is the cure. There is so much more to repairing the m, and some of it must come from the LBS.


I always imagined I would like that experience. To have that power of being less invested in the relationship, whIle your partner who had greatly wronged you is fully vested and trying whatever they can do to win back your love and trust.

I'm not sure why piecing would even start if both parties are not fully invested.

If an LBSer is really in the position where THEY want to reconcile, (and not just "win"), they won't stand back to watch their spouse do all the heavy lifting.

Besides, the LBSer who really wants to reconcile, will have done their own soul searching and made some changes in themselves.

I know the fear in the LBSer is that if they turn the other cheek, they'll get slapped again. They believe that forgiveness might somehow set them up for another heartbreak. And they have every right to be extremely cautious. Not withholding, but cautious.


Hence the need for loving respectful, clear boundaries and a whole lot of sometimes uncomfortable communication from both. I think virtually all couples will need new tools for this. And one change would be to schedule and keep the couple time going, over time. Not forced romance so much as time together without distraction. Even once a month helps a lot, over time.