I think it's time that I stop insisting that I understand his lifestyle because he is so convinced that I don't, because truthfully I don't fully understand it.
I suggest your H has repetively used the same words, which directs your attention away from him and focuses the problem as your inability to understand his needs, his friends, his work, his......his......his. . So then, you turn it inward and look at yourself as insufficient, while he chooses a life of lasciviousness. Let's call it what it is.
This has nothing to do about your ability to understand "the demands" of his job. It has everything to do about the moral/spiritual measuring guide you believe in and have chosen to guide your life. It is about gown men and women being accountable and responsible for their actions. Currently, your H doesn't care if you understand him. The truth is that he chooses to not be accountable & responsible, and he appears to get away with it by saying his W just doesn't understand him. This is a man who uses his job as his gateway to revel in lustful rewards, instead of a devoted H who has a family at home.
His choices show his preferences. He had rather engage in this type of lifestyle, than conform to a clean, wholesome, church-going life. Although you can see how destructive this has been for all of you.........he is getting something he wants. He wants it more than anything. The "it" has a terrible hold on him.
As long as this all works for him.....he will not change. My advice is to let him go, while he sees you moving forward. He has not had to change or improve anything, b/c you did not require it of him. You worked on improving yourself, which is great, but he didn't have to do anything but show up once in a while. He had a reconciliation that waywards dream about.......which means nothing was required from him to get back his M. No changes, no counseling, no talks, no accountability.....nothing! So now, he's not bothering to even show up. That should not be acceptable!
It has ceased just being a job for him. It has become a lifestyle. Understanding his lifestyle, does not require your approval or acceptance of his bad behavior, IMHO. Just as his actions show his preferences in life, so do your actions show him tolerance for more of the same.
Let me ask some questions. How much have you had to compromise, to stay with him? What has he gave up, or even compromised, in order to keep you?
How is your self-esteem?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
