It won't take several attempt Shotgun. One hit is all I need :-).
I have noticed that things seem to come and go in phases. I remember Job saying that a leopard rarely changes his spots and I have to admit that it's true.
Ex went away abroad with OW (which is his right) but to do so he used holidays time (which he is also entitled too). I understand that ex needs time with OW if they are to carry on as a couple but what I don't get it is that he is depriving our kids from quality time with him. So basically when our kids will be with ex for their holidays with him, my kids will be looked after by someone else because ex will have used all his holidays with OW! Even my kids are treated better than my SD, ex still puts his needs first above his family. Now understand that at times you need to be selfish but when it comes to young kids, they should always be your priority. So no change here from ex.
Then ex decided that he wanted to talk to me. So I listened, and he kind of half apologised for taking the kids away on Mother's Day saying that he hasn't done it maliciously but he hasn't got any mother and it was booked a long time ago. I only told him that I just pointed out the day to him, but I didn't go into a rant about it. I said that I knew it was a birthday present for our eldest, so I understood that he couldn't do otherwise. I think ex was looking for a confrontation as he was very angry but I didn't give him the satisfaction ( one 180 for me!). Also ex never did anything for i on Mothers day anyway, so no change.
Then ex proceeded by telling me that he was having a lot of problems with SD and her mum. He also said that he knows that SD got invited to youngest child birthday party. I said yes she was and that SD is also invited to eldest party because my eldest wanted her sister there. I said to ex that SD is our kids' sister and if our kids want her there she will be.
Ex said he understood but then he really became agitated and agressive (not physically) and without such words asked me for his help. Basically next time I see SD he doesn't want me to add more fuel on the fire. In short SD asked ex to help to pay for driving lessons (the deal was he buys SD a car and her mum pays for the lessons but ex never bought the car), but ex refused to pay for them saying he hasn't got any money, and still find some money to go abroad with OW and our kids for their birthdays! . Then ex went on about saying that SD asked for an expensive present for Xmas (he bought it), that SD has been rude to him as she noticed that he was treating our kids better than she ever was (which is true).
At that point ex was very angry and saying that his daughter is going to get it, that he will show her all the texts her mum sent her and SD will realise that if he doesn't have a relationship with her it's because of her mum. So ex asked me not to get involved in it! WTF! I told him that after being 11 years with me he should know better as I have never ever interferred in his relationship with his eldest daughter, that I'm not like his ex and that when I'm with SD our discussion doesn't evolve around him!
Another 180 from me as I refrained myself from texting him and trying to sort it out for him. Ex has always had that this expectation that if he gets into a mess his loved one (mum, sisters or me would) sort it out for him. Not this time! I just wanted to text him saying that you agreed to buy a car but don't deliver, and you say you can't pay for driving lessons but you can afford to go on holidays abroad with OW! But I didn't. I feel sad for SD because he clearly hasn't put his finances in order but furthermore it is sending SD a message that she isn't important because he prefers spend money on OW instead of helping his daughter to be more independent.
What strucks me was how much anger he has in him! He is the one who left SD 17 years ago but he is still very angry! Ex doesn't like to be challenged because he believes he is always right! He wants to show SD how bad her mum is, and fact he is going to make himself look even worse. SD's mum has raised her on her own, without financial help from him so no matter what he is going to say he won't be able to portrait her mum as a baddy! It will be him. And also he found time to spend time with OW while being with me so if he really wanted to spend time with his daughter he would have found as when you want something you always find a way to get it.
So clearly ex has still got his old habits: only wanting to spend money on him and OW (not his kids), being financially unstable, being true to himself, not taking any responsibility and finally still a lot of anger! Wow I wouldn't want to be in his shoes and I certainly wouldn't want to be involved with someone who behaves like towards his exes (no respect for women), and his children as it is a big telling about who he is really as for OW she certainly has gained a price!
