You admitted to not doing that great at improving yourself. Hey, I'll give you credit for recognizing that.
Now, that needs to change. Your response was filled with doing things to "trick" your W to come back.
There is no tricking her to come back. If this were the case, it would fall apart again, because genuine changes didn't actually occur. It would be too easy to revert to the same old patterns.
I want to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. It has to start with small, attainable goals. Not anything big, like getting a motorcycle or a pilot's license. Maybe later.
The focus has to be to do things independent of your W. Is there anything in your area that you can volunteer to do? Do you like sports? What kind of things interest you?
Start slowly filling in your calendar(GAL). Try not to overwhelmed yourself. One step at a time.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa