Thread #2 - Separating

[Zues126]

I've always thought finding other ways to meet your emotional needs was a major part of detaching, provided you do it in healthy ways.

When you look at your WAS as the provider of your self worth, identity, social circle, life witness, companion, and so much more, the loss of her will feel exponential. It makes detachment nearly impossible. As you meet your needs on your own you'll rub your eyes and one day she'll just be a woman. A woman you may love, a woman you have history and children with, a woman you'd like to reconcile with, but not anything more that a woman. This makes it easier to detach, set healthy boundaries, and move forward with your own life.

This is why GAL is so important. It provides you other ways of meeting your needs. The key is to do it in ways that are appropriate for a married man, that fit with the person you want to become.

And, funny enough, even if you reconcile it helps to meet more of your needs on your own outside of the marriage and to remain somewhat detached. Most marital problems come from resentment and unmet needs. If you meet more of your needs on your own you can let go of your expectations of your spouse. This relief of pressure makes the marriage more stable, not less. People think it is the need for each other that keeps a marriage together. Clearly this isn't the entire story. Sometimes it's the relief of those needs that reduces the stress and allows people to co-exist.