Military Separation

[Dawgs]

My MC said, "Here's how marriage works; if one spouse doesn't like the other spouse's friend, then the friend has to go." I think that the perfect summation of the marital relationship with regard to people outside of the marriage.

Wise counselor you have, my friend.

[25yearsmlc]

FMF...military spouse here. How long have you been married?

Many military couples seem to marry very young and after a number of years together get bored and start wondering what they missed out on. This may not be the case with your W, but it's a common scenario. Either way, if you're willing to wait out her 'adventures in single life', you might find her wanting to return to the family after she's gotten it all out of her system. The big thing to remember is there are no quick and easy fixes. We all want these issues to just go away and have life back the way it used to be, but it never happens that way. Buckle up for the long haul and expect it to take time. She seems like a different person because she is. If she finds her way back to you, it will be in her own time when she has dealt with her own issues. The best you can hope for in the meanwhile is to not make things worse so the door to reconciliation might remain open. Don't push...don't pursue. Use the DB techniques you'll learn here to make yourself into a better man, husband and father. Most of all, post! post! post! There are are great people here to support and advise you.

She had nine months while I was deployed to have her fun. I've been back two months and it's like it doesn't mean anything. She didn't lay no ground rules or boundaries for the separation.


Try not to "review" the past at this point. Be here now. AND please, Be the best father you can be.

NO MOTHER IS UNTOUCHED BY the loving interaction of her children, with their father. She does not have to see it to know about it. Of course it's about the kids, but it tends to help the relationships between the parents too.



If she ends up having sex with other men I don't think I could take her back


3 comments. First, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. As a veteran myself, and a former military spouse, I know the unique hardships that service creates. It $ucks.

Second, you do not have to decide this^^ now.

Finally, you said your texting to another woman was b/c you were lonely. And your wife was right there. That happens in marriages and there is an ebb and a flow to it. You cannot justify reaching out to other people b/c you don't fee affirmed enough. (Sorry.)

Anyhow, naturally your wife got upset and lost HER trust in you. You assumed b/c you were intimate again, that all was well. (It probably wasn't. My guess is that it rocked her world in a bad way).

Then you were deployed, and she was physically & emotionally alone, caring for the children and home and her job... And she was also around other men.

Maybe someone needs to take the exit off the "who started it?" loop here. You are the one on this site, trying to save your marriage.

Maybe you Don't need to worry about ultimatums or absolutes, right now.?


because I would never trust her and I would never be able to look at her the same. If she texted somebody that's different


because that is what you did?

I'm interested in what you would forgive yourself for doing, but not forgive her for doing.

Speaking of forgiveness, did you see forgiveness in your childhood?

What did it look like? I did not see it much growing up and had to learn it. It's sometimes the exact opposite of what you want to do.

Maybe your church could help you??

Regardless of what happens, or has happened, you will need to let go of the past and repair the r between you as your continue to raise your children as co-parents.




but once you make physical contact with another man and you're still legally married to me It's hard to take somebody back from that

Well, if this is something you are 100% certain of, you can ask her.

If she says yes, you file for divorce.

I'd urge you to give that a lot of thought and prayer first, however.