So Confused and Conflicted (4)

[Gordie]

I'm tired of having my hopes dashed on this forum. I need something to hold on to, even if there isn't really any hope. It will help me ride this out. This place is called "Divorce Busting", not "Give Up And Get Over Them". This place is supposed to be focused on saving your marriage, no matter how far gone it is.

WshIKnw:

I just want to jump on the bandwagon with the other posters here who are all trying to help you (they have all helped me so much). They are not trying to dash your hopes. You need something to hold on to, I get that.

When I showed up on this forum in December, it was three months after BD and I was mentally where I think you are now: sad, depressed, hopeless, constantly thinking about my W, analyzing every word and action, trying to read her mind (and thinking I could change it), head spinning with thoughts of the past and the future.

If you go through my threads, you'll see that really confused guy starting to get his s*** together. Focusing on and taking ownership of the issues that I contributed to my failed M. Focusing on my demons. Taking my focus off of my W and not letting her ups and downs dictate my thoughts and feelings and actions.

I've gotten to a much better place in my own head and heart...and you know what? It's starting to make a difference in my R with my W. She's gone from spewing and demanding separation and D...to questioning herself and some days...pursuing me!

Do I have hope? Yes. Do I know if my W and I will reconcile and create a new M and turn into a success story? No, I don't know...I want that but she has to want that too...it's taken time for me to learn that...that I don't control my W and the outcome of my situation...and that I have to let her go to make her own choice. I can make myself a better Gordie and a better Gordie is a more attractive Gordie, but I can't control whether or not she notices, as her focus is completely on herself right now.

Do I have something to hold on to? Yes, faith (for me it's religious, but can be otherwise) that my life serves a purpose and that I can be happy and that my life can be filled with love and meaning...no matter if I D or not.