Accuray, thank you for the long and thought out post. I've turned a corner and am very much avoiding the poisoned water. I fully understand what you mean by not being safe to approach until see feels I've let her go. That is my goal. No more overtures. I know she needs to see that I'm not an option in order for her to want me to be one. The psychology of all this is astounding.
I agree with what you're saying about control. I had control of my future ripped away. Stability gone. Relationship gone. All not by my choice. I am working to rebuild that feeling in other ways.
I hate that she needs space to think about something that shouldn't be a difficult choice but I accept it. She's in a fragile place psychologically. All I can do is not be a crutch for her and learn to stand on my own 2 feet myself.
