If she ends up having sex with other men I don't think I could take her back because I would never trust her and I would never be able to look at her the same. If she texted somebody that's different but once you make physical contact with another man and you're still legally married to me It's hard to take somebody back from that
Mine destroyed my trust. Texting, sex, all of it. To me, once it starts, the question of ever trusting them again arises.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I am sorry if I caused any confusion or misunderstanding. In rereading my posts, I can see where I wasnt being clear. My understanding is as follows:
1) You were texting with another W. 2) Your W found out 3) Your relationship healed over time, because, in your words "we seemed to work past it" and "we had sex numerous times".
Im curious about how your W actually responded to this EA? How did you rebuild trust in the relationship?
Originally Posted By: FMF
If she ends up having sex with other men I don't think I could take her back because I would never trust her and I would never be able to look at her the same. If she texted somebody that's different but once you make physical contact with another man and you're still legally married to me It's hard to take somebody back from that
So youre saying you are not as 'bad' as she is? I wonder what her opinion would be on the issue of trust. Did she give you any feedback during the healing from the EA?
I am sorry if I caused any confusion or misunderstanding. In rereading my posts, I can see where I wasnt being clear. My understanding is as follows:
1) You were texting with another W. 2) Your W found out 3) Your relationship healed over time, because, in your words "we seemed to work past it" and "we had sex numerous times".
Im curious about how your W actually responded to this EA? How did you rebuild trust in the relationship?
Originally Posted By: FMF
If she ends up having sex with other men I don't think I could take her back because I would never trust her and I would never be able to look at her the same. If she texted somebody that's different but once you make physical contact with another man and you're still legally married to me It's hard to take somebody back from that
So youre saying you are not as 'bad' as she is? I wonder what her opinion would be on the issue of trust. Did she give you any feedback during the healing from the EA?
Never said it wasn't bad. Cheating is cheating regardless of its text or physical. She told me she forgave me but yet brings it up all the time. So I don't think she truly forgave me for it, cause once you forgive you move past it and move forward. To me, texting and having a physical affair are 2 different things. They are both bad. I can forgive texting but if you physically had another mans thing in you, I would never be able to move past that.
I am a Navy Corpsman, 17 years. I appreciate your analogy and advice. It's just super tough
It is very tough. And just plain sucktastic. You are in a good group, though. Right there with you, my friend.
Corpsman, eh? Any recent east coast duty stations? Pax, Portsmouth, Beaufort, Pensacola here. Maybe we crossed paths as the med community is fairly small.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Military here as well and had a similar situation happen while I was away for weeks of training.. she changed halfway through and is a totally different person now.. You can follow my thread if you want but there isn't much hope in mine right now.. I can only do as others have said and that is put my trust in GOD and be the best father and person I want/need to be. Detaching is key.. and a hard one at that, especially if you have kids. There are many days that I feel great at detaching.. and then there are days like today where I get an onset of what feels like a Panic Attack and can't stop thinking about her and the future and what could have been... I'm only 3 months in.. technically 1 month since she left the house so everything is still pretty fresh.
I'd love to see her come back like annab74 said.. but its like others have said, can the trust be rebuilt?
There are many days that I feel great at detaching.. and then there are days like today where I get an onset of what feels like a Panic Attack and can't stop thinking about her and the future and what could have been
It never totally goes away, as witnessed by my bad days the last couple of days. Lessens, yes. Leaves, no.
Quote:
can the trust be rebuilt
Hardest question there is to answer. When the depth of lies/deceit/unfaithfulness/etc have been uncovered, it makes it near impossible. I guess the bigger question is what runs through one's mind if they are "late" or "held up" or whatever? Any doubts...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Cheating is cheating regardless of its text or physical.
Originally Posted By: FMF
To me, texting and having a physical affair are 2 different things.
Im sorry if Im coming across as obtuse, but I dont understand what youre saying. What Im reading is that an EA (texting) is cheating, but not as bad as a PA, which is also cheating?
Look, my point is not to go back and make you feel guilty. My point is more that what happened was very serious, and from what youre saying that trust was never rebuilt. So, to me, it looks like a cancer that slowly grew into your relationship. By not going through steps to really heal from it, the resentment appears to have never gone away.
Because of that, I think it's crucial right now to back off. You need to give as much space as possible to let her do what she is going to do.
My MC said, "Here's how marriage works; if one spouse doesn't like the other spouse's friend, then the friend has to go." I think that the perfect summation of the marital relationship with regard to people outside of the marriage.
FMF...you might be able to rationalize that your texting is a lesser offense, but in the big picture, affairs are not really about sex. They are about betrayal and dishonesty. Those things are just as present in the context of an EA as they are a full blown PA, and can hurt every bit as much.
