So, here are my goals. These are signs that H is interested in working on M.
1) H will communicate his work schedule so we can coordinate visitation.
done
2) H will seek counseling to address his behaviors.
done
3) H will initiate conversation about R.
done
4) H will wear wedding ring again (which he conveniently lost several months ago). H bought a new ring to show he is committed to R, but he does not wear it.
But, now I'm confused. We spoke on the phone today, H kept going on and on about how I don't understand him--his work, his lifestyle, his friends. I said that I could see why he would feel that way, and that I try my best to understand his sitch. I've been doing a good job with DBing apparently because he feels like I'm shutting him out. I simply explained that I felt like I didn't have any options because he would say he was committed but his actions showed otherwise. I don't know if it was a temp check, but I can see he is not ready. He again blames me for his bad behavior because I asked him to leave. In many ways I feel like he is doing everything to destroy our M without physically filing, because he is too chicken to do anything. I can also see that he knows what needs to be done to make things right, but he's just too stubborn to do it. In the end, he says he just wants to be happy. If happiness means having his own place and doing as he pleases, when he pleases, working as much as he likes, I won't stand in the way. But he can't be mad if I'm going to move forward and gradually move toward living separate lives if he won't meet me halfway on somethings. He doesn't want me to beg or ask for his time and attention, but he doesn't like that it's so easy to move on.
