We've been together since 2003, married in 2004. Throughout our marriage, our faith bonded us. My husband is an entertainer and local celebrity, I worked and traveled with him for many years. Back in 2012 he was on a nationally televised talent show and that was when things started falling apart. I had our first child in 2010 which dramatically changed the dynamics of our marriage because I could no longer travel with him. Things gradually started to change for him, new single friends, drinking, partying, no church. I was home with our son, working. We separated the first time after the show, I came here and studied up on DBing. Although my issues with my H had merit, my approach was all wrong--I was controlling, angry, hormonal (possibly post-partum), you name it. While my husband was out partying, he began to remove his wedding ring and pick-up on girls. I flipped out. I had my last straw and asked him to move out, which gave him a cause for his misbehavior. He had a 5 month A, that didn't work out because bad habits die hard and he was unfaithful to her too. We reconciled after about a year of separation.
Trying to keep the road home smooth, we didn't go to counseling nor did we come to terms about how things would be different. According to H, he would rather spend our time together, instead of talking about how we're not together or our issues. I GAL, went to school and started a new career, became more active in my community, I didn't complain about his work schedule, I didn't ask him to stop partying, initially I didn't complain about money. After 3 months in, I saw him flirting with a girl on social media...that was the first red flag. Months after that, I noticed that he was looking up the OW on social media. A few months after that, more bad behavior flirting with a woman while at a bachelor party, also found on social media. I think you get the picture. We would have disagreements about it, he acknowledged his actions were wrong, but he also defended them saying that I need to understand that there's nothing wrong with "going out" and that all of his friends are in the nightlife industry and that's the only way he can see them, he doesn't have a normal schedule and that I would be happier with someone like that, he needs to be with someone that understands him. Mind you, I've never complained about his schedule. What I have asked for is communication--he would go out to dinner with the boys and it would become a 4am night, with him having to sober up at a friends house, but no phone call. I'm glad he's responsible enough not to drive home drunk, but I don't understand why he can't simply call or text me to say he is out late. This wasn't a one or two time incident, this became his norm, and something I had to "accept" and "understand" about his work and life. Suddenly, this communication became a chore. He would be gone on the road, and I would want to hear about his day or simply have him ask about me and the kids but he didn't.
Leading up to the latest separation, my husband and I had disagreements about money. During the last separation he acquired quite a bit of debt. This debt grew because he wasn't keeping up with his taxes and simply living outside of his means. After we reconciled, I had to zip my lips to avoid conflict, but when the debt grew from continued decisions he made without my consent, I had to step in. He asked me to sell some rentals I received as an early inheritance, because we had a negative cash flow. He claimed that it would help alleviate the pressure to work and that he would be home more. I went along with it but no less than 2 weeks later, he traded in his exotic car for a more expensive car. I was done. Throughout the reconciliation, I would express my concerns and then "dropped the rope" to save our relationship, but I became a doormat.
He slept in the guestroom, which offered us space and room to breathe. I began to DB, reading everything on waywards. The rebellious dynamic rang true with my sitch. I needed to earn back my respect. H would constantly stay out all night, waking up the whole house at 4 or 6am, yet claim he was working on the R. I asked him to kindly leave--reminding him that a family lives here and we have school and work. I really didn't want him bringing his bad behavior around the kids. I never, ever asked him to help with the kids because he was tired from traveling or the night before (things he complained about from the first separation). He came and went as he pleased, like a teenager, with no responsibilities.
He moved out about a month ago, and I've been happily DB-ing. We talked about legalizing things simply to protect the time we spend with our kids and finances, not as punishment.
