Dealing with Devastation

[giftd]

I appreciate your story and yes, I can relate to a lot of the issues you are saying. My friends are great, but the timing is terrible where I am just here alone. Getting out to see a friends friend and talking to anyone who will listen has helped. Yoga actually is the best thing to get out of my own head. Something new I've learned.

I had a regression today and texted her to ask for the title to the old junk car we have in the driveway. This is something that we had both tried to sell and she got frustrated it is still there a year later. I believe she puts that on me despite her taking over the project but it doesn't matter.

Her father last night gave me a pep talk, basically saying that he thinks she is putting her life not being where she thought it would be on me and the marriage and that I shouldn't give up. He mentioned that selling the car might be a good thing to get her attention. He doesn't really know the DB way and I had planned on going dark until Wednesday but the talk convinced me to text to ask for the title so I can finish getting rid of it. She is bringing it in the morning but did not give a time, I don't know if she is planning to drop it in the mailbox or what but I need her to sign the bill of sale so she'll have to see me either way. I plan to be up and dressed in my more "adult" clothes (better fitting jeans and t shirt since everything I wear is more college-baggy). I really wanted to go dark, but he said he worries about her putting up walls if I lose too much momentum which is something the DB way concerns me with as well (just because of who she is). He also is putting a lot of faith in me and I think is trying to give me tips based on what he is hearing from her. Felt good that he believes in me enough to do that so I take it seriously.

Hopefully the interaction is good and will carry me over until Wednesday. Upbeat, positive, not talking about the relationship or the future.

While I was writing, my friend who owns the house we have been staying in and I have been working on told me that she texted him asking about rent. He said because of the work I did on the house it's taken care of (he's also giving me a portion of the money from the upcoming sale). She wants to meet him and talk when he gets back next week. She said that he gets 12 free "c*nt punches". He thinks that's a good thing, like maybe she thinks she made a mistake. I'm trying to not believe that because it's not the DB way and it would be a pretty big defeat to have it be wrong. I know he's on "our side" and has talked me through the past weeks. I don't want to coach him, but I have been talking to him about my plan of attack so he can hold me to it. So I probably should at least reiterate that she cannot know about DB.