Maybell 40

[Zues126]

My job is emotionally very taxing. If I were to do it right I could spend 70+ hours on it and actually see some significant success, but of course with three kids on my own, I don't have 70 hours to give to it. But I'm trying to give it 55-60 hours a week, which means very often I've got long hours and late evenings which sometimes impact the kids. On top of that, I'm pursuing necessary certifications that require a lot of study of very dry material, that's over and above my working hours. Should be 1-2 hours per night, but it's hard to squeeze in without falling asleep in the book.

Sometimes I wonder if I've had enough and should try to find a job that puts less strain on me, but the success I've had up to now brings responsibilities with it that make me reluctant to follow through on that.

This is a ton of hours. I've worked those types of hours for bursts while I was married, but never sustained them. I might have a few months of that, then a number of months of 45 to smooth things along.

My current job is similar, but I just refuse to put in more than 45. I know that in professional corporate america there are careers in which 55 hours+ a week is the price of admission. I just can't do it. Unless my family was missing meals if there was any other way I'd go another way. I would rather have less meaningful or challenging work than be that over extended. My kids need me so much right now and they are all at critical ages in their own way.

I am taking them to chess tournaments as you know. I have a skype meeting set up with S12 and a guy that is going to do a little more mentoring for his mad coding skills. I do homework with D6. I do some chess homework with my daughters. I read to them, just finished Dune and am going to HitchHiker's Guide next. Should be fun. We eat at the table most nights and watch a show before bed (working through the old Full House sit com, it's great, all about a dad and his girls with no mom in the picture...).

Now, I have help as my mother moved in with me. It has been a huge weight off my back and I couldn't do all of these things without that support. But my point is that if I worked a 55 hour job I'd have to give a lot of that up. Maybe your children are a bit older and don't want to spend their time with you, and that makes a difference. My kids still want to spend time with me, maybe when that changes I'll change my priorities a little. But right now they need me.

I think you can do this for a while longer and see what gives. If your certifications are just a short term additional responsibility maybe it will lighten up a little. Maybe you find a way to manage all of this. Maybe your job can be smoothed into a 45 hour a week gig in the next 3-6 months. If in a few months you absolutely can't keep pace and there is no more you can cut from your plate, then you can always pull the lever and look at career alternatives.

What would you have to give up to work a 45 hour job? Income? Tenure? Quality of life? It's easy to say cut hours, but obviously it's not so easy in the real world.

Hang in there. My only real advice is not to extrapolate and think that it will be like this for 8 years. That's just too much. And it won't be. Something has to give. Just because you don't have the answer yet doesn't mean you won't find it. You will.