In many states the alimony is half the length of the marriage, so you are already getting less than you would in many states. Don't agree to reduce that unless you get something equally valuable in return. DO remember that alimony can always be revisited. My ex bargained me down from 12 years alimony to 10 (I did get something in return in the negotiations as I recall). I was willing to accept that reduction because I knew that in 10 years he could retire - his income would drop and he would theoretically be able to go back to court and get the alimony reduced then anyway. Plus if he retired my share of his early retirement would kick in and replace the lost money.
Also - when negotiating between alimony and child support - remember the tax consequences. Alimony is income to you and tax deductible to him. Child support is not income to you I believe and therefore not taxable to you.
Quote:
He wants to reduce child support since he have them 50/50, reduce the length of time for alimony and put in a clause where alimony ceases if I get remarried or cohabitate with someone else.
Let me share my experience with this cohabitation thing (which is kinda standard in my state my attorney told me, although my friend's divorce did not include it).
At the time, I wasn't concerned about it. Lord knows at that time I sure didn't see me wanting to live with another man for a long time! The legal argument (and my ex's) is that he doesn't want to be paying to support some other man, and if I'm hooked up with some other guy, I should be hIS problem to support.
So I left it in, I had bigger fights to fight. My ex started dating his current wife a year after he dumped me, and she moved in with him within a year. I dated several men after my divorce, then finally found Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome. We started dating 4 years after my divorce and are still together 4 years later. He moved to my town after the first year and lives in an apartment a mile away from my house.
We have to be careful not to exceed the limited number of nights per month sleeping together. (I think it's 8). He's had a temporary business downturn lately and it would be helpful if he could live with me while getting his business back up and running because he could save rent, but that's not possible as if I lose my alimony $ I cannot continue to support my college kid.
It's annoying and if I had to do it again I would either 1) fight harder to have that removed (how is it fair that my ex gets to live with his girlfriend but I can't with mine?) or 2)get a lump sum settlement instead of alimony payments.
There wasn't enough cash available for me to get a lump sum, but if there is in your sitch - take it! Lump sum has advantages: 1) It's not taxable to you, it's just a splitting of your assets. 2) It can't be reversed - if you ex becomes disabled a year later, you still have your lump sum (alimony could be reduced or eliminated if his financial situation changes. And you have to maintain a life insurance policy on your ex in case he dies before he's done paying alimony). 3) Paying monthly checks to you seems to keep the WAH in a state of perpetual resentment. I only found out recently, after all these years, that my ex was laboring under the mistaken belief that he was paying me almost 40% of his income. (He was always bad at math and taxes.) The true figure, including once you calculate the tax break he gets, is about 11% of his after-tax income- not at all unreasonable considering we were married for 24 years, he cheated on me, and I mommy-tracked my career to raise our 3 children and allow him to become a star at his career. Yet because he had this crazy idea that I was "bleeding him dry" with every monthly check he wrote, he found ways to stick me with every extraneous parenting cost once our kids were technically (but not functionally) adults. I'm sure we would be on friendlier terms now if I had just gotten a lump sum in the beginning and he had gotten over it. Consult with a tax specialist if you need help understanding the ramifications of these different options (my attorney was great but NOT great with the math/taxes details, luckily I am).
Also - no need to respond immediately to anything he proposes. You can just say you need to think about it and do your research, then do your research and let your lawyer handle any response.
