My kids make all their own breakfasts and lunches. They help empty the dishwasher. My daughter has done her own laundry for the last year. The boys are not reliable enough to do that but they do help with the trash, recycling, and dishwasher. Everybody helps with the groceries -- I break the list into chunks, the boys go off as a pair to get their items, my daughter gets hers, and we reconvene after each item.
Theoretically the kids do their homework without oversight (daughter since she was in 3rd grade), but this year the feedback from the teachers is that the boys weren't doing theirs -- at all -- and that their ability to organize themselves was horrible, so I've had to backtrack on that and start supervising it again. They can't do what they lack the skill to do.
I do pay for a housecleaner, and have for a long time. Also a yard service, and the kids all have the opportunity to select chores from a list and earn extra money, which they sometimes take advantage of.
My Guy is amazing and has done nearly as much work on my house as his own. I can't ask more of him than he does. I feel we're so lopsided in that way as it is.
Part of the problem is the stage we're in. The boys are in Scouts and my daughter is about to be as well. Everyone is in karate. The amount of after-work driving I do is significant. The time they spend with Mr. Fantastic is important but disruptive of things like homework and instrument practice. Things get forgotten at the other parent's house or are needed in both places but are too significant to have duplicates and too bulky to carry around (like the trombone).
Extra activities, like special Scout badges the kids would love to do, science fair projects or that sort of thing, often fall through the cracks, especially for the boys. D13 is quite self-sufficient so she suffers less, but she's also MUCH more insistent about getting her needs met and given that her therapy (also an interruption to my work) has made our relationship so, so much better I'm trying to respect what she asks for, because it's reasonable given her age.
We're getting MAYBE one family dinner a week together. This doesn't feel like enough, especially when I'm working a ton of hours and the kids are home alone together or in after care just putzing around. This gives me a lot of guilt and anxiety. I know that's not useful but there you go.
Jobs that I can't hand off, like paying the bills or balancing my budget, following through on keeping up with my family, etc. are just not happening. Every time I call my mother she starts off with "It's been so long since I've heard from you" and I just heard from one of my brothers yesterday that my dad isn't doing so well. But they *never* reach out to me. In my entire adult life, my dad has probably called me fewer than 20 times. I can't carry all this, and knowing I'm going to hear her complain about the time between the calls makes me more reluctant to pick up the phone. Most days I'm so exhausted I could just tip right over. (On the up side, I've never slept so well in all my life!)
My job is emotionally very taxing. If I were to do it right I could spend 70+ hours on it and actually see some significant success, but of course with three kids on my own, I don't have 70 hours to give to it. But I'm trying to give it 55-60 hours a week, which means very often I've got long hours and late evenings which sometimes impact the kids. On top of that, I'm pursuing necessary certifications that require a lot of study of very dry material, that's over and above my working hours. Should be 1-2 hours per night, but it's hard to squeeze in without falling asleep in the book.
Sometimes I wonder if I've had enough and should try to find a job that puts less strain on me, but the success I've had up to now brings responsibilities with it that make me reluctant to follow through on that.
How do we know when we've bitten off more than we can chew?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
