Thanks for asking, Sandi. I'm mostly in a holding pattern right now. Still trying to better myself. Still getting over my wife and working on detaching. Watching her, seeing what she's doing. Being lovingly distant. Trying to slowly work my way back into her life. I suspect that things with OM will fizzle out over the next few months, and I want to be there to slowly and carefully woo her back, when it does. Or who knows? Maybe I won't care at some point before then, and she'll be begging me to take her back.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Looks like you are doing much better, Wsh. Keep it up, my friend. Its a long, long road. One foot in front of the other.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I don't know how I manage to lose my posts before I can send it.
That's really annoying. At the very least, I always select all of my post while I'm typing it, and copy it to the clipboard (memory), when my post starts getting long, where I become concerned about losing it. Sometimes, I'll care enough to actually paste it to a file, and save it. It's so easy to lose what you are typing, when typing comments on the internet. Really annoying.
You must do a lot of counseling, Sandi, because you seem to know everything when it comes to helping people. Thanks.
I'm checking out the Headspace app, Kevin. Thanks. I am very anti-medication, especially psychotropic medication. I avoid it unless absolutely necessary. I have thought about having anti-anxiety medication for a security blanket, for when I'm traveling and things like that when I tend to panic. Knowing I have it just in case might be enough to keep me calm. My wife was always very against medication, too, though. So, I never tried that. From my experience and from what I know, medication for anxiety and depression tends to just put people to sleep, which can make it much harder to get up in the morning, and be a responsible person who holds a job. I know that how I mentally feel is very much tied to the thoughts that I have. So, controlling thoughts are important. It's also tied a lot to other things, like music. Certain music can make me feel very sad, that I have to avoid.
Jeep, I find exercise to be one of the best things for mental health. Unfortunately, this morning I have a headache, and exercising would make that worse.
This is interesting. My wife's parents divorced when she was old enough to remember it. And she has told stories several times about how her father wouldn't hold her. She would crawl into his lap and he would push her off of him, goes the story.
My parents are divorced, too, but they divorced when I was 3.5, and I don't remember anything about it. I don't remember living with my dad at all, or remember the house that we lived in. Both of my parents have always been loving and nurturing, too. Whereas her father has always been aloof and awkward.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Man, it's so hard right now to not contact my wife and ask her how the heck she goes for 10 years with daily contact and concern for me to so soon having nothing to do with me. I can't remember the last time she has initiated contact. And I only initiate contact once a week at the very most, probably like once every two weeks. OM must be completely filling my place in her psyche. I just can't understand how she can just stop caring about me like that, when she cared so much up until she all of a sudden went cold. Surely she is having to at least force herself to not care and not make contact.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Man, it's so hard right now to not contact my wife and ask her how the heck she goes for 10 years with daily contact and concern for me to so soon having nothing to do with me.
Wsh,
I know exactly how you feel. The question you may need to asking instead, is this one to yourself: Would you be prepared to hear her answer? Because it won't be one you want to hear...
Quote:
OM must be completely filling my place in her psyche
Mind reading does one no good.
Quote:
Surely she is having to at least force herself to not care and not make contact.
No. No she is not. 2x4 time...she doesn't care in that way anymore, period. If she did, would she be behaving like this?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
The brutal truth is it's because she wasn't happy and hid it until it boiled over. OM is indeed filling your place. He's treating her how she felt she deserved to be treated, which caused all of her resentment toward you to come out.
I see it like filling up a "relationship bucket". A woman will fill it with small things until it gradually builds up and overflows. A man is more likely to fill his relatively empty bucket with only big things -- infidelity, lack of sex, etc. Women are peculiar creatures.
Stay with the no contact. Believe me, I know it's frustrating to not feel like you're taking action to "fix" the problem. It is terrible to know you must let what she is doing ride its course. However, contacting and pursuing will only prolong it. As long as you're on the peripherally she will be angry with you and continue. Distance yourself from her while working on yourself for you.
Surely she is having to at least force herself to not care and not make contact.
No. No she is not. 2x4 time...she doesn't care in that way anymore, period. If she did, would she be behaving like this?
Come on, man. You just said mind reading does no good. I'm making almost no contact with her and I care like crazy. She's all I can hardly think about. She sure acted like she cared when she was leaving. She stayed with me for a month. Her emotions were all over the place. Sometimes she was the meanest I had ever seen her, sometimes she cried, sometimes she acted normal and nice -- all over the place. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have had any emotion, or would have just acted happy or content.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Good point. If she truly cared, would she be sleeping with OM?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
