Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

OK, so 1st principle is going to be difficult. How can you talk and do your love maps when you're barely speaking to each other, and definitely not about R?

Monitoring: Came home, W was up in her room with D5. D5 was ready for bed, watching something on her tablet, while W finished doing D5's plait. Spoke briefly, put the clothes back on D5's new doll. Then said come on, time for bed. Took the doll, put it in D5's room, and then walked to my room to put my jacket down.

Could hear W was saying something, then she started giving it the "Hellllooooooo" in a sarcastic tone - you know, bit like the guy from Back to the Future "Hellooo, McFly". Anyway, I walked back in, and told W that using that tone was rude. She said I was being rude by what I was doing, what was I doing? I told her I was putting D5's doll in her room and putting my jacket down, and D5 had heard me (she just didn't follow). I then took D5 to her room. I'm not letting rudeness slide these days. W made a comment about she'd done her duty and it was someone else's turn now.

Later, after D5 was asleep, spent some time talking to her (mostly about psychopaths, she has a new book she is reading on the topic - she is fascinated about it and spending a lot of time on it. She believes her father is a psychopath). She asked if I thought she was a psychopath, because there is a hereditary component to it. I said no, she wasn't, because I knew she had too many emotions and feelings, especially for her children, and that was the same reason I knew I wasn't, even though she had said I was.

W then said she didn't think I was a psycho - I said I know you don't *think* I am one, you just *said* I was one. We both smiled and laughed about that.

Later, she wanted me to keep her company while she smoked in the utility room. We talked some more, nothing serious. Then, at one point she reached out with her legs and put her foot on me in a friendly way. Asked 'Do you love this psychopath?' - I said I did love her, probably the wrong thing to say, given the sitch, but I'm not very good at being stand offish.

Anyway, went to bed separately again. She gave me a hug when she came out of the en-suite. I went to her room to say goodnight, standing near the doorway. Was waiting to see if she would say or do anything further but she didn't, just smiled and said goodnight.

Later, W sent me a picture msg with a pic of D5 and W's old cat that died a couple of years ago. She had been talking about the cat earlier.

So, minor reactions, but I am still too eager to see if she is pursuing me in any way and that ends up with me acting pursuing. Doh! However, will keep maintaining my distance, and get better at these 'good night' moments.

After reading some of Vanilla's advice elsewhere I am now researching and listening to mindfulness and self-help on youTube - currently focusing on boundaries and self-confidence.