25yearsmlc.......I appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts on my sitch.

I do agree with a lot of what you have said. The most important thing is that he is finding out that he needs to make some changes in his life and is doing that. That is a major thing for him to pursue, so I am proud of him. I also feel that we were both able to show our flaws to each other and we have not done that in a long time.

What I meant when I made the comment "was this all for him, or was it to help me" was did he tell me all of that to get things off his chest, or was it also to help me in my healing as well? I got the sense that it was both, but I just wasn't sure.

He said that during the forum he listened to people tell their "story" and he could relate to a lot of what was being said. He said it made him think about how he treated me during our marriage and after the BD. He wanted to call me on a break but didn't want to limit the time for our conversation, because he felt like it was the most important call that needed to be made, and that is why he waited to call me until the 3 days were over.

He said on a few different occasions that I was right about things I have said in the past. I told him I didn't want to be right, I just wanted things better between us. But he made sure to tell me "you were right."

He called me initially to talk and I told him I would call him back, but honestly I wasn't ready for the conversation. I texted him the next day but never got a response, so I called him. Looking back I probably should not have done that, but I was interested in what he had to say. In the conversation he did mention that me not calling him back that night was upsetting to him and he lost some momentum to call me again, and that was why he didn't call me back.

At the end of the conversation we both acknowledged that we still needed to talk about how things got to where they did in our M, and why the A happened. We also said we needed to have a conversation about where we go from here. He did say he would call me, but as we have seen in the past he has not been the greatest with that. But I am going to be open and give him the chance to show me that he is making changes. I am also going to be patient, which will be hard. But, he deserves this time for himself.

I would not be telling the truth if I said that my attempts at detaching or GAL was not to get him to come back home...because there is part of me that hopes that if I do he will. But, the rationale side of my brain says that wont work, and obviously is not the purpose for DBing. This is something I struggle with daily.

I totally agree with you when you said I need to stick with the DB basics. I actually have started to reread the book again back. I am ready to get my "happy" back again.

That was a great example about Antarctica, and what would I do if he was unreachable.