Thank you zues. It helps to hear that. It really does. I don't want to be stuck in that cycle of guilt again, much like I was when I first came here. I never really put much mind to marriage and what it really meant until I came on these boards. I was sheltered because divorce did not exist in my family. The thought of divorce never really existed as an option for me so I agree with most of your sentiment regarding marriage. I don't necessarily know that you share traits with my ex and me with your wife though. I think that maybe we represent to each other the universal struggle between male and female in general? Maybe because we are both pretty self aware and forthcoming?
Jelly, you have (like always) found a way to condense and put into words the exact nature of this experience. The rejection and loss of a committment, relationship, life, family, sense of reality and future is indeed humbling. I too consider you a good friend. I always felt a huge connection with you, even before I met you but was unsure why. And yes. We do seem to get each other. You have described me to a T. (Although I don't think I will be posting that on any future dating websites )
The 3 of us once had a similar conversation about being ok with our faults because it makes us the unique individuals we are. That there would be a person out there able to love us and stay committed to us regardless of our flaws. Our flaws are what gives us our own perspectives and ability to empathize. There is humor to them. To not being perfect or stepfordy. I understand now, how rejection can make us question ourselves to the very core. There were and are areas in which I need to change. But at the same time, I am not quite seeing myself able to be vulnerable with someone else at this point after husbands rejection.
) 
