Suppose you felt the D was best for the family, the children, you, and her. What would be the best road forward for all involved? Whatever the answer is, just go for that.
Notice I didn't ask what was best for just HER. I'm not suggesting you roll over and pave her a golden brick road to live happily ever after with OM. I'm not suggesting you give her everything she wants in the settlement. Not at all. You can't buy her affection back, and will only lose her respect.
But, if you pretend that YOU were the one wanting the D, what would you be prepared to offer? What would make the most sense for the family?
Let that guide you. If the condo makes sense, then go for it.
I understand you don't want the D. I understand you are still hoping she changes her mind. I understand you don't like taking committal steps like selling a property, moving, or finalizing the D.
But this will happen with or without your consent. You can't stop it. All you can do is kick and scream which pours fuel on the fire. So while you don't have to do the work for her in terms of packing, finding the lawyer, etc, I would strongly recommend going with it as if you were totally on board.
If I were you my goal tonight would be for her to walk away with the feeling that something snapped and you got fed up with her crap, have no interest in being with a cheating vow breaker, and are totally on board doing anything to facilitate the necessary steps to remove her from your life as a spouse. That you will be fair, solid, respectful, and make sure the children will feel loved and safe from both parents, but that the sooner she remarries OM the sooner she'll be his problem and not yours. You don't have to feel that way, you don't have to try to send that message...but that's the mindset that should guide your steps.
That's a 180. Good luck.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
