Jeep - they clearly read from the same script. Mine has said "i'm a better mom when you are not around."
Yep. She even goes further to say that they are better behaved when they aren't skyping with me!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Mine said the same thing...even went far enough to say it was better for the kids. Ugh.
Mine told me that she thought the kids seem happier now than they ever have and asked me if I agreed....really??
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I suspect this is because OM is still in the picture and they are planning their happily ever after.
I keep being told that my W's new relationship with the OM2 is not going to last and she will still be unhappy. That someday she will finally realize that I wasn't the source of her unhappiness. However, this doesn't make me feel better because of the fact that she is ruining our M right now and doesn't realize that things can be better. Some people do move on and become better partners after an A, but not too many come back after D.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
I need to get my sh!t under control today. I'm not sure where the calm, collected, happy KevinIn went. He was here the last 2 days
Man, I know the feeling. Running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. This has been a much better day after lunch so far.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Suppose you felt the D was best for the family, the children, you, and her. What would be the best road forward for all involved? Whatever the answer is, just go for that.
Notice I didn't ask what was best for just HER. I'm not suggesting you roll over and pave her a golden brick road to live happily ever after with OM. I'm not suggesting you give her everything she wants in the settlement. Not at all. You can't buy her affection back, and will only lose her respect.
But, if you pretend that YOU were the one wanting the D, what would you be prepared to offer? What would make the most sense for the family?
Let that guide you. If the condo makes sense, then go for it.
I understand you don't want the D. I understand you are still hoping she changes her mind. I understand you don't like taking committal steps like selling a property, moving, or finalizing the D.
But this will happen with or without your consent. You can't stop it. All you can do is kick and scream which pours fuel on the fire. So while you don't have to do the work for her in terms of packing, finding the lawyer, etc, I would strongly recommend going with it as if you were totally on board.
If I were you my goal tonight would be for her to walk away with the feeling that something snapped and you got fed up with her crap, have no interest in being with a cheating vow breaker, and are totally on board doing anything to facilitate the necessary steps to remove her from your life as a spouse. That you will be fair, solid, respectful, and make sure the children will feel loved and safe from both parents, but that the sooner she remarries OM the sooner she'll be his problem and not yours. You don't have to feel that way, you don't have to try to send that message...but that's the mindset that should guide your steps.
That's a 180. Good luck.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
If I were you my goal tonight would be for her to walk away with the feeling that something snapped and you got fed up with her crap, have no interest in being with a cheating vow breaker, and are totally on board doing anything to facilitate the necessary steps to remove her from your life as a spouse. That you will be fair, solid, respectful, and make sure the children will feel loved and safe from both parents, but that the sooner she remarries OM the sooner she'll be his problem and not yours. You don't have to feel that way, you don't have to try to send that message...but that's the mindset that should guide your steps.
OK, this isn't quite the right mood. Better would be that you realized that you two can't stay married and that you two aren't compatible. Replace my feelings towards cheating spouses with their rationalization on why they are acting like they are. You can still feel the way you do, just make sure not to make her feel judged or criticized. That's non-validation. You can validate without agreeing, so that means neither approval or criticism. Just moving forward and getting this put to bed. Neutral. Stay neutral emotionally. I hope that goes without saying, but wanted to catch myself there.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
If I were you my goal tonight would be for her to walk away with the feeling that something snapped and you got fed up with her crap, have no interest in being with a cheating vow breaker, and are totally on board doing anything to facilitate the necessary steps to remove her from your life as a spouse. That you will be fair, solid, respectful, and make sure the children will feel loved and safe from both parents, but that the sooner she remarries OM the sooner she'll be his problem and not yours. You don't have to feel that way, you don't have to try to send that message...but that's the mindset that should guide your steps.
OK, this isn't quite the right mood. Better would be that you realized that you two can't stay married and that you two aren't compatible. Replace my feelings towards cheating spouses with their rationalization on why they are acting like they are. You can still feel the way you do, just make sure not to make her feel judged or criticized. That's non-validation. You can validate without agreeing, so that means neither approval or criticism. Just moving forward and getting this put to bed. Neutral. Stay neutral emotionally. I hope that goes without saying, but wanted to catch myself there.
This is pretty much what im planning. My goal is to support a smooth transition for the kids, and thats what I'll say. This will show i know we arent staying married and that the kids are my priority.
Since she is "calling the meeting" i'm essentially just going to ask for her proposals. The ones i agree with, I'll say i agree. Others I'll say i need to think about and i will get back to her.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
So we just met to talk about her moving into the rental property we own. She started with her wall up and there was some anger. It eventually went away and we had a cordial conversation. She's sooo adament about leaving this marriage. We even had a little sweet talk about the kids. Overall, it was not a negative conversation. Then i left.
She 100% has issues that need resolved. She is not the same person i loved for 10 years. That person is lost. I wouldnt want to reconcile with this person. Unhappy. Slightly mean. Nothing i want.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
So we just met to talk about her moving into the rental property we own. She started with her wall up and there was some anger. It eventually went away and we had a cordial conversation. She's sooo adament about leaving this marriage. We even had a little sweet talk about the kids. Overall, it was not a negative conversation. Then i left.
She 100% has issues that need resolved. She is not the same person i loved for 10 years. That person is lost. I wouldnt want to reconcile with this person. Unhappy. Slightly mean. Nothing i want.
Mine was the exact same way - cordial conversation became that way because I wasn't fighting her anymore and maybe to her it seemed I was validating the ending of the marriage. Who knows.
I can relate. You know, sometimes it isn't the people who change but their mask that falls off...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
