Did you do what is right, regardless of the reaction ?
I could have gotten much, much more if I had wanted to. The money from that will go towards the kids' college and all. See, I moved around the country with her and never was able to keep a job for more than a couple years at a time...which always led to me starting at the bottom again. So, now, I'm nowhere near where I should be. I just want to be able to provide a stable place for them.
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I sent a flare up for you, just a pinteresting little doodle that I was thinking about...
Eh?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You are entitled to a portion of her retirement for just the sacrifices you describe. It's the law. It's not a gift or theft from her.
Without you, who knows if she would be a mother at all? And how would the children be turning out if you had worked full time at a high level job with long hours?
Without you, would she have attained her rank, or even make retirement at all?
I think the appropriate words you can say are, "you're welcome."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Did you do what is right, regardless of the reaction ?
I could have gotten much, much more if I had wanted to. The money from that will go towards the kids' college and all. See, I moved around the country with her and never was able to keep a job for more than a couple years at a time...which always led to me starting at the bottom again. So, now, I'm nowhere near where I should be. I just want to be able to provide a stable place for them.
So it was fair then. Nothing wrong with that.
Point is, that only time will tell how or even if it will affect how you get along in the future.
It's prolly gonna cause some ripples for a bit, but it should taper off down the road, at least when it comes to it being a platform.
and by doing what is right, will let you sleep well, regardless how she responds to it.
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
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I sent a flare up for you, just a pinteresting little doodle that I was thinking about...
Eh?
I guess that was clear as mud huh ???
Social site that includes pictures, blogs, etc. Some dude that you know from here...Have him check his messages...
You are correct. Thank you for helping me see the light again.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Point is, that only time will tell how or even if it will affect how you get along in the future.
It's prolly gonna cause some ripples for a bit, but it should taper off down the road, at least when it comes to it being a platform.
and by doing what is right, will let you sleep well, regardless how she responds to it.
I think it was fair. However, the ripples are freaking waves coming from her crew now. Haha. It's all good, I guess.
You know, I think I did right. I could have ended her career, taken much much more, etc. But I didn't - I didn't take more than what I deserved by law, but I could have. I could have done so much more yet I didn't.
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I guess that was clear as mud huh ???
Social site that includes pictures, blogs, etc. Some dude that you know from here...Have him check his messages...
Any better ???
Gotcha. Will do.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm tempted to say "who cares how she sees it?" But I know you do care. And I get that.
Remember that she is surrounded by other military members and they know the law. You're not making "Jeep Law" or plowing new greedy ground. The more she whines, the more bitter she sounds. And at some point she'll get that feedback.
So One of 2 things will probably happen in terms of how she sees you.
1) you'll always be an a$$ who made her miserable, and "took" a bunch of her money, thoughts which she may share with you every chance she gets.
2) OR she sees what you got as fair/reasonable, (even compensating you for all that she did!) but she probably won't tell you this.
She can morph from #1 to #2, in time. You do not control this^^^.
As for how you see it...and the justifying comments you are making about how it will "go for the kids college", geez Jeep, it almost sounds as if you don't think you deserve it, hmmm. Why is that?
Is it because you are a man, and you fear societal judgements against getting what the law says b/c it implies...what?? Is there a part you played in the demise of the marriage that you think should decrease the support or retirement amount?
Regardless, Anyone who really gets the situation, knows better. Plus I see that many are giving you credit for stepping up to parenting, (although You did what every military spouse does every day, and more during deployments)...
That's what the retirement division is for.
Otherwise no one with a career would marry into the military.
I say the financial piece of this is one piece that doesn't totally $uck.
I also think you deserve far more than you're getting, and yes I do mean financially. But that's not really what is hurting you at the moment.
You're worried about how she sees you. I get that. She still matters to you, and the hope of a recon you still retain, even subconsciously, seems to depend on what she thinks about you today.
Given what you saw from/in her last week, at the moment, she's unreachable and she's not understandable. Can you try to see her as deployed and unavailable, for now?
Can you go back to DB basics and GAL? Because what you really seek is detachment, and I cannot think of a way to detach without GAL, which also means meeting new people.
Not all people who know your heartbreak. People who are fresh to you...just my thoughts.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Your wisdom is so far beyond mine...thank you for sharing it with me and helping me!
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As for how you see it...and the justifying comments you are making about how it will "go for the kids college", geez Jeep, it almost sounds as if you don't think you deserve it, hmmm. Why is that?
Is it because you are a man, and you fear societal judgements against getting what the law says b/c it implies...what?? Is there a part you played in the demise of the marriage that you think should decrease the support or retirement amount
You know, I'm not sure why I come across as that. I just didn't want to come across as greedy or whatever.
Sure, I played a part in the demise - there isn't a perfect person out there. But none of my actions were divorce-worthy, even though I'm sure you'd get a different story from her.
And you're right, I could have gotten more money out of it - what I'm getting now will more than pay for a nice car every year if I wanted it.
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Given what you saw from/in her last week, at the moment, she's unreachable and she's not understandable.
I understand that and fully get it. She isn't the person I knew. Unreachable and not understandable are very well deserved terms in this case.
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Can you go back to DB basics and GAL? Because what you really seek is detachment, and I cannot think of a way to detach without GAL, which also means meeting new people.
Not all people who know your heartbreak. People who are fresh to you
Detachment. I'm working on that one and thought I had it licked. Guess not. Yes, I do need new people in my life. Yes indeed.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
