I'm tempted to say "who cares how she sees it?" But I know you do care. And I get that.
Remember that she is surrounded by other military members and they know the law. You're not making "Jeep Law" or plowing new greedy ground. The more she whines, the more bitter she sounds. And at some point she'll get that feedback.
So One of 2 things will probably happen in terms of how she sees you.
1) you'll always be an a$$ who made her miserable, and "took" a bunch of her money, thoughts which she may share with you every chance she gets.
2) OR she sees what you got as fair/reasonable, (even compensating you for all that she did!) but she probably won't tell you this.
She can morph from #1 to #2, in time. You do not control this^^^.
As for how you see it...and the justifying comments you are making about how it will "go for the kids college", geez Jeep, it almost sounds as if you don't think you deserve it, hmmm. Why is that?
Is it because you are a man, and you fear societal judgements against getting what the law says b/c it implies...what?? Is there a part you played in the demise of the marriage that you think should decrease the support or retirement amount?
Regardless, Anyone who really gets the situation, knows better. Plus I see that many are giving you credit for stepping up to parenting, (although You did what every military spouse does every day, and more during deployments)...
That's what the retirement division is for.
Otherwise no one with a career would marry into the military.
I say the financial piece of this is one piece that doesn't totally $uck.
I also think you deserve far more than you're getting, and yes I do mean financially. But that's not really what is hurting you at the moment.
You're worried about how she sees you. I get that. She still matters to you, and the hope of a recon you still retain, even subconsciously, seems to depend on what she thinks about you today.
Given what you saw from/in her last week, at the moment, she's unreachable and she's not understandable. Can you try to see her as deployed and unavailable, for now?
Can you go back to DB basics and GAL? Because what you really seek is detachment, and I cannot think of a way to detach without GAL, which also means meeting new people.
Not all people who know your heartbreak. People who are fresh to you...just my thoughts.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
