WAW and the Big D

[Bdog37]

How long before moving forward?

So since I have been out GAL I have met some wonderful people. One of these happens to be a very beautiful woman who, after talking with on several occasions, is kind, sweet, caring, interesting, wonderful mother, etc, and clearly shows an interest in me. We have been talking, as just friends, for over a month now and she has recently expressed that she wants to move forward in our relationship. She expressed these feelings last weekend when I had her over my house for dinner. However, as wonderful as she is, I told her that I am not ready for a relationship and it bothers me that I feel this way. I told her that I am not trying to lead her on in anyway and that I was sorry I feel this way.

How is it so easy for our WAS's to go out, meet someone, start dating, and have feelings for someone else so quickly when we have been a part of their lives for so long? When is it time for the LBH spouse to start dating again?

This may fall under the category of "letting go", but I just find myself not wanting to open up and start trusting again. Here, I find someone who I would be grateful to be with and yet I am afraid because of what my W has done to me. How is this fair for the LBS? We are the ones left all damaged while the WAS gets to freely express, without concern, their feelings for someone else so quickly. My D won't be finalized for some time now and yet my W has been dating the OM since December. Why is it that I am the one afraid of starting a new relationship and how is it that she so easily has? Maybe because she is not afraid of someone betraying her since it was her that had the A?

I spoke with a few family members in regards to this and they said that most "rebound" relationships do not work and my W will soon discover that. Said that I should just take it slow with this OW and maybe some day I will be able to open up with her. I am not confident that this will happen anytime soon and it may never happen. I am confident that I am a much better man/father since all this happened, but I just don't want to find myself in this same predicament years down the road. If I feel this way now then when does this end?? How will I ever move forward if these feelings remain?

I know part of it is because I still miss my W, even though if you have read anything up above that sounds crazy, but there may always be a part of me that does. I miss the woman she used to be. I miss our life together and all the happy memories that we shared. I miss the life that we were planning to have together. Hell, I even really miss many of her family members that I have become so close to over all these years.

Ugh, why is this so hard for me to open up to this woman? She could very well be the one that helps me pick up the pieces and gives me the love that I deserve. Yet, here I am questioning it.

Again, how long before moving forward?