You are allowed to mourn the loss of the life you hoped/expected to have. I think that is the primary source of your pain. It's not small.
And when you process the mourning, which is not a linear process, I wonder if you might try to celebrate the life you are creating with your children now.
Because the ex wife you saw at mediation, a woman filled with anger and whatever other inner turmoil she has, is who she is right now. So for now, all you really truly know is that she'd be a nightmare wife for you.
And you are raising your children.
She is missing out on so much of their lives and yet, she may not ever know that. OR admit it, or really truly grasp at the enormity of her loss. She may not be able to face it.
She does not know what it feels like comforting them when they are sick, tucking them in bed at night, driving them to places and hearing what really happened in their day, their dreams and their fears and day to day wounds, questions, etc. But you know what you have gained.
Try to be at peace, Jeep.
Even for an hour, for hours are what fill our days, and days are what fill our lives.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
