Sink or Swim

[Dawgs]

Thank you, Gordie, my friend. I'll look it up. I've somehow stumbled off my road and am having trouble finding it again. Honestly, it hasn't affected me this much since almost BD. Not in a great place now.

[doodler]

Jeep,

I wish I had some words of wisdom or good advice, but I don't. Currently, my anger is waning, but I still feel so violated that I don't want anything to do with my XW. I'm hoping that I don't have to suffer through what you're going through; I've had enough suffering.

I have found that staying busy really helps me, but I suspect that sometimes you've just got to feel the pain. I don't know. I hope you're able to move on relatively quickly.

[KevinIn]

Im joining you on the sucktastic day - im pretty angry with her right now for no particular reason. Not sure why. Maybe bad nights sleep. Big change from yesterday.

Misery loves company, so im joining ya.

[Mach1]

Today is just another sucktastic day. I find myself going down memory lane again and I'm not quite sure how to stop it. All the way back to our wedding weekend again. Sigh.

I should know better. It's been over for a long time. I shouldn't care anymore, but I do. I shouldn't think about our failed marriage, but I do.

I just don't know how to rid myself of this ghost that has become a full-fledged haunting these past couple of days. There isn't anything of us anymore, but I still think like there is sometimes. I don't remember the bad times, because quite honestly, there weren't any. You know, maybe there was one disagreement/argument for the entire 10 years. Truth.

I'm stuck in what-if land, and there isn't a door out.

I think that ^^^ is pretty normal going through this.

I would be more worried if you DIDN"T feel this way...

If you were to look honestly at it, you might realize that it isn't your spouse that you miss, yet rather the memory of her.

And you are probably missing the person that walked down the aisle, and you made promises to.

That person isn't there anymore...

So you can choose to smile when you think about her, or you can choose to let it drag you down...

So she stole your rocking chair off your porch...

Now what ??

Dust yourself off buddy...these feelings are fleeting, and won't last forever....

[25yearsmlc]

Jeep,

I'm so very sorry you are in pain.

You are allowed to mourn the loss of the life you hoped/expected to have. I think that is the primary source of your pain. It's not small.

And when you process the mourning, which is not a linear process, I wonder if you might try to celebrate the life you are creating with your children now.

Because the ex wife you saw at mediation, a woman filled with anger and whatever other inner turmoil she has, is who she is right now.

So for now, all you really truly know is that she'd be a nightmare wife for you.

And you are raising your children.

She is missing out on so much of their lives and yet, she may not ever know that. OR admit it, or really truly grasp at the enormity of her loss. She may not be able to face it.

She does not know what it feels like comforting them when they are sick, tucking them in bed at night, driving them to places and hearing what really happened in their day, their dreams and their fears and day to day wounds, questions, etc.

But you know what you have gained.

Try to be at peace, Jeep.

Even for an hour, for hours are what fill our days, and days are what fill our lives.

[Dawgs]

Doodler,

Thank you, my friend. I, too, feel violated. I thought my suffering was done a while ago - for some reason it hit me hard yesterday and again today. I don't know why.

Staying busy helps me, too. But what does most is an activity that really requires my concentration.

[Dawgs]

KevinIn,

There's room in the misery boat. Every now and then the bad days will pop up. Not all the time, but once in a while.

[Dawgs]

Hi Mach1! Thanks for stopping in and sharing your wisdom!

You are right. Have to pull up my big-boy pants and move on. I know its the memory and not the real one I'm stuck on. One day at a time.

[Dawgs]

Hi 25yearsmic! Thanks for stopping by!

She is missing out on so much of their lives and yet, she may not ever know that. OR admit it, or really truly grasp at the enormity of her loss. She may not be able to face it.

She does not know what it feels like comforting them when they are sick, tucking them in bed at night, driving them to places and hearing what really happened in their day, their dreams and their fears and day to day wounds, questions, etc.

This really, really hits home. I often wonder does she even know what she is missing? I think in her own way she tries and I do feel that she loves them. Yet, as I told my lawyer, she doesn't use her full allotted time with them. Sigh.

But you know what you have gained.

I'm thankful every day for that. Every day. They are my rock as I am theirs.

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your advice!

[Dawgs]

So here is a thought that just popped up:

By me getting and winning the things I did last week (to include part of her retirement), did I create an enemy for life?