Hi fives indeed! What is going on during the times you are detaching? Do you think you can continue to do more of what works?
I honestly dont know what im doing to make it easier. Maybe just the complete separation from her. Possibly just being around ny kids puts me in a genuinely good mood when i forget about the other stuff. Time?
From a religious perspective, theres been some applicable sermons lately about forgiveness, patience, etc. that im trying to take to heart.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Hi Kevin. Just wanted to say thank you for some of your kind words to me.
I've tried to catch up on your situation. I don't have anything burning to say other than that I'm in your corner.
You're doing so many things right. Detaching the best you can, GALing, taking care of your children when they're with you, and soldiering on.
It's early on and survival is success. Getting through this tough period, avoiding creating more damage. I'm glad you have a DB coach to help you, and I'm glad to see you posting so actively.
Next time you post feel free to share a little more about yourself. Not just marital breakdown stuff, but just what you're like, what your hobbies and interests are, what type of job you do. This isn't DB related, I'd just like to get to know you a little bit.
Anything on your mind tonight DB wise or just toasting to making it through another day?
Take care!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Maybe just the complete separation from her. Possibly just being around ny kids puts me in a genuinely good mood when i forget about the other stuff. Time?
That's most likely it. If the temptation isn't there, then it is much easier. My kids do the same for me, my friend, and they keep me on my toes.
You'll find that as time passes, things get easier. Oh sure, its like the tide and waves and will come back to haunt you on its own - and yes, there will be a rogue wave or two, as witnessed in my slippage yesterday.
You got this and you are owning your road, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
It could be because i've been at home, in my own bed, and with my kids for several days in a row. But, it could be that i'm turning a corner on this whole thing. Or something else completely.
I found my answer - being at my home with my kids. For the next 6 nights, i'll be away and when I realized that this, it took away some of the joy i had the past few days. Not that i'm now sad and depressed, but i'm not as happy as I was the past few mornings.
Today's lack of joy could also be that i'm tired, since i stayed up a little too late packing and then my toddler woke me up a few times last night.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
There you go. The best answer there could possibly be!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
A new topic for today - meeting with Wife tonight to discuss her moving out.
She wants to talk about moving into a condo we own, since the current tenant's lease is up.
I'm trying to think through what she expects me to say so I can respond appropriately. Hopefully i can have some DB 180 opportunities.
It does really make me mad that she is soooo intent on moving out, separating, and ending our marriage. There is zero thought that she wants to try to work on our marriage. I suspect this is because OM is still in the picture and they are planning their happily ever after.
She claims she wants to make this easy on the kids. If that's the case, just try to save the marriage. Now i'm just angry thinking about it.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Yes, OM has 2 kids (6 and 8). His wife said they are not handling this well.
The condo actually makes some sense, because i dont want to sell it until we have to (in a year if she goes through with a divorce). And we will need a new tenant anyway. She would pay for it out of her own money, since we are separating all finances.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
It does really make me mad that she is soooo intent on moving out, separating, and ending our marriage. There is zero thought that she wants to try to work on our marriage. I suspect this is because OM is still in the picture and they are planning their happily ever after.
I know the feeling. Once they are done, they are done. Nothing we can say or do to make them change their minds - if they come around, they will on their own time. I wouldn't even think about mind-reading with her...she'll let you know otherwise. If the OM is in the picture, would you want her back then?
Quote:
She claims she wants to make this easy on the kids. If that's the case, just try to save the marriage. Now i'm just angry thinking about it.
Mine said the same thing...even went far enough to say it was better for the kids. Ugh.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
