A stronger me for whatever the future holds

[Gordie]

This is probably because she felt I was overly controlling and that she didn't have a voice.

Is it me or is or is this a common theme here? It seems that more often than not, I'm reading that us left behinds were controlling even when we really weren't. It must be part of that rewriting history stuff...

Jeep74,

Yes, this is totally a common theme. I have struggled with this too. All of our situations are different, but I know in mine...this feeling controlled or trapped...I contributed to it, but it was more than just me. Here's how I've thought about it:

1. What is in the person's own mind/life that makes them feel trapped? Maybe unfulfilled dreams or ambitions (I want an education, I want a career). Maybe identity issues (I don't want to just be a W or mother or Mrs. Gordie). Maybe childhood issues (Jeep74--talking to you).

2. What did the spouse do to make them feel trapped? Did you not listen? Were you selfish--did you put your needs first? Did you control the money? Was sex an issue (pushing unwanted sex or withholding wanted sex)? Were you jealous or suspicious of their other relationships? Were you a snooper? Did you ignore your spouse because of work or a hobby or anything else--porn, video games, etc.?

3. What did society at large do to make them feel trapped? Are you trapped in gender roles? Does the W do all the cooking and cleaning and child care? Do you feel pressured by your community to dress or behave a certain way? Do you feel trapped by your religious upbringing or beliefs? Have you always been the good girl or the nice guy...and you are tired of behaving that way?