Losing our committed partnerships and marriages is one of the most humbling experiences I believe any human can have. It was my rock bottom moment in life, a mirror to what was broken in me. This experience is traumatic and emotional and cuts to the very essence of who we are as individuals.
Recovery from this experience starts when we step into grace and out of the shame of what we believe we didn't get right to maintain what we held as precious.
I like Zues consider you as one of my favourite posters and I believe we have become good friends. I have watched your pain, your anger, your grief and loss over many months. We have many similarities you and I and we have talked about them on many occasions. Our propensity to black and white thinking, to rumination and anxiety, to expecting the worse, to expecting perfectionism in ourself and others, to experiencing feelings of vegenfulness and anger and the need to be ever so right.
For many years I felt so much shame for being all of these things. Shame because these qualities didn't serve me well. Shame that they came between me and the men and people I love. Shame that I couldn't live up to my own standards.
This DBing experience has taught me that shame does not serve me or my relationships well. I just have to step into my authetically flawed self and miracles start to happen. Not life changing earth shattering ones. But small gorgeous run of the mill ones. Like finding amazing new friendships and love and enjoying my work. The freedom I now experience feels like breathing for the first time.
Ginger said it all ^^^^^^^^^^^, she is so extremely eloquant and wise. JujuB you are exactly where you need to be. You are moving forward and in recovery. You are on your way back up from rock bottom.
I don't know what more to offer you my friend. This part of the journey is neither complete darkness or complete light, It just is. But ride it and trust you will prevail. Look to those who have gone before you. Trust that this too shall pass.
I need to give you the biggest hug and I will the next time our paths cross my friend.
