I think in wanting to be "right" I am looking for some validation. Which is crazy because I know he is incapable of giving me anything right now.
I am just tired of the roller coaster. I am tired of living with someone who couldn't care less about me and my life. I am just plain tired right now.
Admittedly, I am a little panicked as well. Time and time again, I have read how time is my friend during all of this. It's a concept that is easy to accept when I see how deep he's in the tunnel. What scares me is we will divorce before he is out. I'm not sure I will still stand if we divorce. For me, that just might be the final boundary.
H's sister and I talked for over two hours today. She shared more details about her H's affair and what she has learned and what her H has said. Wow. Just wow. Do they all read the same book? Is there some script floating around that they all share? Some of her H's statements are word for word the same as my H's. Amazing. It must be some natural psychological defense mechanism at play.
Oddly enough, hearing her share these details really hits it home for me. I can really see how they (MLC'ers/cheaters) are all so similar in many ways. It makes it so much easier to take a step back and see their madness for what it really is when you can really see it going on in someone else's life. It's all an escape. They really are running from themselves.
And you know what, to that I say, "go ahead." Run, run, run. Just don't take my son with you. You want to leave, go. But leave S with me. And don't come back.
