Sotto's tootling along

[Sotto]

Thanks so much HaWho and Pink. Yes I wonder sometimes about the duplicity and the walking away - seemingly without a backward glance - when we had a good enough marriage. Still...

This evening I realised it is 3 years to the day since BD1 - when I discovered XH had OW to stay at our city flat. And really after that life was never the same again. I have come a long way since then - and truly it has been a lovely road in many ways - though I would never have wished for the journey. But we many of us take journeys we didn't ask for!

All is well with me - though my new work project is a bit of a rollercoaster. I'm lucky to have some great colleagues and we support each other - but oh boy, there have been a few highs and many lows. I feel generally good with myself and I've been reconnecting with some 'looking after me' activities - meditation, listening to calming and inspirational self help books. Still doing yoga, choir, bookstore, dancing and other social things.

I joined a new dance class, and really like it. Actually, there is a really friendly guy there and I like him. I don't know what his circumstances are, so I would be cautious, but nice to make new friends anyway. I pretty much gave up on NG at work. He gave me his new number and I dropped him a note after a couple of weeks - got a pleasant one-liner back. But I feel he doesn't really want to take anything further, and that's okay.

So, 3 years on what matters to me most? New friends, my own strength, no regrets for how I handled things. A sense of pride, more truth and authenticity in my life - I try to bring me to the table - not what I think others want. These are all gifts to have. And whilst I didn't manage to save my marriage, life is still happy and I am grateful.

You know, I never envy XH and OW. I believe they are still together. Though I imagine that could implode at some point. But truly, I wouldn't want what they have, and I no longer really miss XH or wish for him to return. Though part of me would like for him to feel he was mistaken. Not because I would like for us to be together again - more because it would be fair and just.

Best wishes to you all and I am so grateful for all the support from the forum. Xx