WAS or what 9

[roist]

s

Hi Roist, I think you are doing well and you certainly come across as a wise and pretty much together Guy...ie: already someone only a fool might leave..


No other wisdom to offer - other than saying - kudos to you for investing what you have and being willing to revisit, review and investing the energy. If my XH had done even 50% of that, I'd have been pretty happy.

Xx

Thanks Sotto for those words. Glad I come across as coherent and sane.I have come along way, though not quite where I want to be. I will always be a work in progress, but I have a certain level I want to achieve before being happy with version 2.0.

I would never describe my W as a fool or stupid. Maybe that is why she is still here. Regardless I believe now that she would be foolish to leave and foolish to believe this will be our R forever. Time will tell if there are any fools in this M.

I also appreciate you supporting my efforts.

Yes boundaries take time to become comfortable with. First recognising where one is needed, then putting it in place appropriately and of course the important consequence that must go with a crossing of that boundary.

Many lbs don't put up boundaries out of fear. Then they learn about lack of respect and stamp down hard to eradicate that. Being appropriate is not the only important thing about boundaries. How they are put in place is just as important IMO. Of you shout your boundary that you will not be shouted at, it undermines your stance. So tone, wording and timing are crucial especially if seeking cooperation.

Before putting in place a boundary people should do some reflection IMO. If an issue is a trigger you should try to figure out why it affects you so. Sometimes it has more to do with our irrational thinking, misconceptions and/or expectations than the other persons behavior. Again this is speaking in general and just my understanding of boundaries.

Well done on your recent boundary with your dad. I am glad you managed to deal with a behavior that upset you and that he reacted well to it. Instead of saying" remember to ask nicely" you could say " I prefer to be asked nicely" or " I'd react better if you asked (nicely)". Boundaries are about us so where possible it is preferable to phrase it in terms of us.