First time post feeling lost and confused

[Woke_Up]

Finish reading DR. As Cadet says, don't send that letter. I did things like that. You're in the midst of the LBS bomb drop roller coaster.

Focus on you, focus on the kids. Do what is right for you & the children. NC/Going Dark doesn't apply to the kids, only to your WW.

Have limited, polite contact regarding the kids. Keep it short and to the point, but polite.

Be the best you and the best father you can be. Dad not being at home is going to be unsettling for the kids.

So, if you really want to see your kids, and I'm certain you do, go see them. Arrange it on your terms if you like. Be proactive. Like WillDo said, go see them on Thursday.

It's really hard to stop spinning at the moment, so focus on some techniques that calm your mind. Mindfulness, meditation, watching the game, exercise, whatever it takes. Take a deep breath, this is a long haul, and you will have to dig deep to weather it.