"My ex was very attractive, incredibly smart, funny, kind, etc, etc. Meanwhile, Ive always been shy, quiet, awkward, etc, etc."
"Feeling like I was reaching, I never felt comfortable in the relationship. I regularly felt unequal and felt like I had to compete to earn the love from my ex."
"The problem is, that didnt drive ME to do better. Instead, it made me feel like I should hold more tightly, in order to keep that person at my 'level'."
K, when I read your post, I see self blame. You also seem to have her on a pedestal. Perhaps she wasn't as kind and wonderful as you describe? Perhaps it was also HER keeping you at arms length? I think these dynamics have go in both directions because there are 2 people in any R.
It sounds to me as if she may have been the insecure one--whatever her part was in you feeling beneath her and ultimately she had an A and ran from the M--because if people have inner happiness and confidence, then they want the same thing for their partner.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
