Oh, I don't want her to do all the work. I'm just getting frustrated with her mood changing constantly. I know I have a lot to work on. And you're right, I have no idea what I need to heal. I'm worried in the back of my mind that I'm trying to get my W back so much that when/if that happens then all the anger and resentment will rise up.
I brought up going to a counselor as a first step and she said she just didn't know if she had the motivation and needed to work on her own issues right now with her IC. She basically said she now has a whole ton of new issues because of the damage she's done to herself by letting OM use and manipulate her.
Thanks for pointing that out about phrasing. One of her big issues is she felt I was controlling. So she already is in a mindset to be defensive against anything she perceives that way. Like the book situation earlier today. Even though I said "I'd like you to read it" she got defensive as if I told her to. I had replied and told her "I didn't mean for it to be something you had to do. I just said I'd like it if you did." A while later after I made my previous post she did respond and say "OK, thank you for the suggestion". I really hope she does read it because it's important for her to see what kind of damage is done in these situations and what it takes to try to heal it. She needs to hear that from an impartial source like a book, not me.
If she is still wanting to come by and talk or asks about coming over for dinner, I'll tell her, "I need you to be 100% honest with me and answer any questions I have in order for me to be comfortable with us discussing moving forward". I'd really love to be able to add "I'm going to get mad, I'm going to be hurt, I'm going to say things. It's important for me to run through those emotions so I can deal with this so please let it happen and we'll get through this together".
I just don't know if we'll get to that point because she's so back and forth and so defensive and adamant that she isn't sure she even wants to work on the MR.
