Thanks so much for the welcome and the common-sense advice! I ended up doing some sort of hybrids of my original and Sotto's - much more BIFF, as per V's specs. It is good to know that communication will evolve, because right now, it is pretty poor in both directions - not good for the kids. Financial issues are pretty serious now, and STBXW wants to continue spending. I feel like I have entered into a business partnership with someone I neither like, nor trust, and who has terrible financial sense.
She will text me and ask how I feel about this or that activity for the kids, and I am fearful of refusing because I worry she will make me into the villain. The truth is, I am now in serious debt and I am reticent to spend on almost anything right now. The kids are clamoring for more extracurricular activities and more material things, and I am more concerned about rent, tuition, and food bills. They did not ask for D, and I feel terrible that I cannot provide them with the things they want. This just worsens my resentment of STBXW.
On another note, I have joined a dating website. I have already "met" a couple of women. These short-lived exchanges over the website have been invigorating. I have not even made it to the phone stage, but I did get a personal email address. I am so missing intimacy in my life - as you have all heard me lament before. I am going slowly, but I think I am ready to test the waters a bit. If I wait until I have healed completely or until my finances are sorted out entirely, I will never start.
As an aside, I cannot tell you all how grateful I am to have emerged on the other side - intact. I have learned so much. I know I have a lot more to learn, but I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to do so.
