Hello Skyhigh! Thank you for the very sound advice. I am going to start just living my life as a single mom. In a way, it'll be so much easier. Skyhigh, you advice is always spot on. I can't thank you enough for stopping by and helping me.
Over the weekend, we found out H's sister's husband is having an affair. The brother in law claimed in December he cut it off with his OW. In the ensuing two months, he racked up $4k in gambling debt and continued the affair behind H's sister's back. She found out this last weekend that the affair never stopped. The brother in law is telling H's sister all kind of lies. Unfortunately, I feel her pain.
H's perspective on it is puzzling to me. When H and I talked about it, I mentioned that I thought the brother in law is running from something. There is something in his past he doesn't want to face that is causing him to act out. H said he thinks his sister and her husband just need counseling if their marriage is going to work. Um, a married man doesn't just up and have a two year affair and rack up $4k in gambling debt just because he thinks his marriage is awful. I dunno, maybe he would. H doesn't see it - he is blaming their marriage relationship for what his brother in law is doing. Am I wrong to think he doesn't see the real issue? Perhaps because it hits too close to home for him?
I feel so frustrated at his lack of insight. Really, I have felt this way for the last few years. I have frequently lamented at what I perceive to be his inability to see how his own behaviors have an affect on our dynamic.
I wish I could more easily detach. I recognize the need to, it's just so hard for me. On the one hand, I know I have to find my happiness on the inside. To some extent, I am happy and appreciative of all that I have. On the other hand, I feel so lost because the marriage is so broken. I want to be compassionate toward myself and give myself the okay to grieve this loss. I took S to the zoo this weekend and when I looked around and saw families that appeared to be "happy" I was overcome with feelings of envy.
